Dear Jasmine,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for 9 months and we are currently living together. He has been in rehab for alcoholism for the past 3 months during which he confessed he didn’t love me and has been talking to his ex-wife.

He told me he wasn’t sure what he wants. So in November, I moved back to Tennessee and he called me and told me that he wanted to be with me so I came back. I found out that on New Years Eve he still wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me.

I saw him while he was at rehab, we talked some things out but now that he is home, I am just not sure anymore. He says that he cares and that I am the first person he has met in life that genuinely cares for him

Michelle Q.
Columbia, SC
USA

Dear Michelle,

I can see why you have your doubts, since he basically treated you like a yo-yo. You have only been together for nine months and three of them were spent in rehab. Doesn’t that say something? Some girls are into the whole save the guy routine. I don’t know if you are one of these girls, but those relationships tend not to work out, or in most cases the girls stay with the guy but it’s either a physical or emotion abuse.

It sounds like this guy isn’t sure what he wants. What if he had feelings for his ex wife but she rejected him so now he came crawling back to you?

I know its great to say you help a guy out of rehab and that you changed him, but truthfully, if a guy needs that much changing and if he is unsure of his feelings for you, don’t you see the red flags?

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I met a man on the internet a few months ago. By man, I mean he’s 21 years old and I am 18 years old. We fell in love. However, now he has become slightly controlling.

By controlling, I mean that he doesn’t want me to have any photos up on the internet. He doesn’t want me to wear makeup in public. Then in discussing our future together we planned to get married and have children but he says the children can only follow his religion (which preaches my religion is wrong) and I have not even met him.

He is in Libya, North Africa, near Egypt. I have been so love blind but in thinking about things, I have realized my doubts, however we have argued about these things before.

He will not change his mind. One time I wanted to post a makeup tutorial on YouTube and he freaked out so bad. He was like “You can’t understand me, we can’t be together.” I was so afraid to lose him that I gave in. He said it was a good thing I did or he would have killed himself.

So I know that he will kill himself if we break up and he has bought me several things already, a $100 dollar MP3 player, and a GED book (he really cares about me, and wants to see me doing well in life, he’s just so controlling)

I have this grief, depression, and pain, everyday. I don’t want to become the girl being controlled by her boyfriend. I just don’t see us having a good future together, I know that I would be miserable but I don’t want him to kill himself if I leave him. What should I do?

Afraid
Florida, USA

Dear Afraid,

Any person who claims they would kill themselves if you leave them is not someone you want to be with. Look at all the bad things that are in your relationship, yet you have not met him yet. Relationships can foster online, however, you will never really know a person until you meet them. Usually they seem too good to be true and girls fall hard for that. However, your case seems to be just the opposite, yet you are holding on.

People who allow others to control them are weak minded people who don’t think for themselves because the other person thinks for them. They have no say in what they do in their life because they don’t have a life. Is that the kind of life you want?

I would encourage you to focus and foster relationships with those around you. While the internet is a great place to escape to, chat and meet new people, you never really know the real deal. Don’t let this turn into something that will potentially put you in harms way.

Don’t let someone else control your life. The only person that should be controlling your life is yourself. That is true, unless you don’t have a mind of your own.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I really want a boyfriend, but I am the fat girl. I like this one guy because he is nice and doesn’t make fun of me. I think he might like me but I am too scared to tell him or ask him because he is always with his friends.

I am also afraid he will change and make fun of the fact that I can’t even get a boyfriend like everyone else does. I weight 178 pounds and when ever I get mad they say “Uh oh, she might sit on you!!” and I don’t know how to deal with that. Please help me! I am the desperate fat girl!

Paige B.
Mechanicsville, VA
USA

Dear Paige,

To start off, the issue may be your own self image of who you are. I am not sure what your height is, but I assume that you are overweight due to your letter. I would suggest that you start getting involved in more activities and perhaps some exercise classes. This way, you can start getting healthy and meeting new people. It is way more important for you to focus on yourself and not only finding a boyfriend. A relationship will find its way but along the way you need to take better care of yourself.

To address the issue of the boy that you like, just because someone doesn’t make fun of you like everyone else does, doesn’t necessarily mean he likes you. It could mean that his parents brought him up right and not to make fun of people. In relationships, perhaps physical attraction is the most obvious when you meet someone, but having a friendship and getting to know the person is important.

I think for now you should focus on yourself, getting healthly and making some friends who share the same interest as you. I am not sure if you act angry when people make fun of you, but if they do, don’t react to them at all. They want to get a reaction out of you so by getting upset or talking back to them will just rile them up. Don’t let others who don’t know any manners to get you down.

Always here,
Jasmine

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Dear Jasmine,

My sister is constantly criticizing my fiancé and I. Anything we do for her and the family is never enough. She constantly complains about us.

If we arrive a bit late at a family function she gets really upset (she is often late or cancels) but if we are to do it she gets really mad. She gets upset at me because I see my nephews (her kids) on average once a week and she feels it’s not enough.

I’m really busy, I work full time, have a house to upkeep, a dog and a wedding to plan. I’ve explained this to her but she is constantly getting mad if we don’t do exactly what she wants.

Christine L.
Canada

Dear Christine,

Your sister sounds like a controlling person. From what you have written me, it sounds like you have gone beyond what you need to do. It sounds like your sister is a very negative person and perhaps she always has been but you didn’t notice or mind too much until now.

It is probably because you have a lot going on in your life and are starting to feel the effects of her negativity. I highly doubt your sister will change her behavior but I could be wrong. I see that you have an option to tell your sister how you feel. Let her know that you are doing the best you can and you would appreciate her not be so negative towards you, as you need her support right now, especially with your upcoming wedding. You can also point out that she is being hypocritical since she does many of the same things that she gest mad at you for. She may change, she may not.

Once you get it out there and she continues to be that way, you really have no other choice but to ignore it, since I assume you do want to see your nephews without her getting mad. The choice is yours, how much contact you have with her. Just because she is family, does not give her the right to treat you the way that she does.

You need to create boundaries because clearly your sister doesn’t have or understand them. If you are going to allow her to keep doing what she is doing to you, it will only become a bigger problem later on in life.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

About 3 years ago I was introduced to my very first love of my life. I fell so hard for him that it still hurts to this day. We were so compatible and we shared so many precious moments together and it was all taken away so fast.

Fast forward 3 years, we are no longer together. We lasted about a year and I’ve spent the last two years wondering ‘what if’ I didn’t end things? Where would I be?

I also seem to fail in relationships because I always compare my new relationship to my ex, and if I don’t see a perfect fit, I dump them. What do I do?

I’m wasting years on my life because I don’t know how to move on. My ex seems to have moved on, but not me. Why? I ended it.

Mark T.
Phoenix, AZ

Dear Mark,

There must be a reason that you ended things with your ex-boyfriend and so things were not a perfect fit for you. Perhaps you are focusing on all the great things that were in the relationship and the feeling.

Many times people fall in love but for other things that don’t involve your feelings are the reasons they are not together. People who are together, aren’t only together because they love each other, there are many other reasons, like compatibility, communication, etc.

At least you do see that you are wasting your time dwelling over this guy. How can you expect to move on and find the right person, when all you do is compare them with your ex-boyfriend? That is not fair because everyone is their own person.

Perhaps you forgot what that thing was that made you guys break up so and you focus too much on the good things. While it is good to focus on these good things, as they make up your past, you must also remember the reasoning behind the break-up.

This should help point you into the direction of getting over him and not putting him on a pedestal. Give yourself time but just remember, the longer you dwell over this, the longer it will take you to find the right person because the person could be right in front of you, but you cannot see because you are not ready.

Always here,

Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My boyfriend was going to college 2 hours away and I told him it wasn’t working so he quit school and moved to the city to be with me. He’s working full time and behind on all his bills plus he’s not in school.

He plans to save money and start in the fall. None of his friends like me so they keep telling me he only wants me for the sex and they started groups on Facebook making fun of me.

Some of the girls harass me at school (call me names and threaten to beat me up).They’re Freshmens and I’m a Senior so I think all that is really childish and I don’t plan on fighting them. But my boyfriend doesn’t stick up for me and he’ll still hang out with the girls and he started drinking because he’s so stressed and when we fight he keeps throwing that in my face “well I quit school for you”.

Last week I thought I was pregnant and he said we were going to keep it no matter what but then he’s still playing games. I feel like the only mature person I know. What should I do about all this?

Michelle S.
Oklahoma City, OK
USA

Dear Michelle,

If you were truly mature, you would not have had your boyfriend quit school to be closer to you. Do you know how many people go off to different colleges and they still manage to work things out? It was very selfish of you to tell your boyfriend to quit school to be with you.

What kind of future do you have with this guy? He doesn’t respect you and he clearly shows it by the way he acts with his friends, but yet you think that because he left school for you that it must mean something. What it means is he is a quitter.

There is no reason for you to stay with this guy when he clearly shows that he has not respect for you by not only hanging out with the girls even after they disrespected you, but also by not even sticking up for you. Are you not embarrassed by his actions? And by your own?

Just because he said to keep the baby when he thought you were pregnant, doesn’t really mean anything coming from a guy who isn’t do much with his life at this point.

Decide for yourself whether you need respect or not. If you don’t care for respect then you can stay with him. But if you do want respect, then I would say leave the guy and let him live his life. Any guy who is willing to drop school to move to be with his girlfriend, doesn’t sound like much of a man. A man will figure out a way to make it all work and still get his education.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My sister was molested by my father. He denies it but I know its true. The trauma, cries for help, being called a being called a liar and lack of support from my family caused my sister to go insane.

I took it upon my self to be her support system. However, I got deathly ill about 10 years ago and was hospitalized. That is when my sister found the opportunity to kill her self. But nobody seems to care.

I have two other sisters and my mother. They just pulled together the funds to bury her. And that was the end for them. Meanwhile I have raised her daughters. They are three happy, healthy, smart, humble and sincere young ladies.

However I am very angry, sad and miserable. I don’t deal with my family at all. When somebody mentions my fathers I go on attack. I hate him. I spend a great deal of time grieving and crying. Why can’t I get over this.

Sharan
Las Vegas, NV
USA

Dear Sharan,

By no means, should you carry on the burden of your sister’s suicide. She needed far more help then you could have ever given her. This is a route that she selfishly chose for herself by abandoning her children and her family.

Unfortunately in our society today, you see molestation seems to be a major problem. The difference is how the victims handle the situation. This is never an easy thing to deal with but people can overcome it and live long healthy lives. However, this was not the case for your sister and her actions has had a very negative impact on you and her children.

You are harboring much too much hate. This hate has consumed your life and made you into a very unhappy person. You may not think this, but your negative energy will be felt by her three children. As much as you hate your father, you must remember how much you love your sister and your three nieces.

Channel your energy in giving your sister’s three children a chance at a normal life and not one full of hatred. They have already lost their mother, don’t let them live their lives with the burdens you have carried on for your sister.

Let the hatred go. Your sister is gone. Focus on what you do have and create a positive environment for these children to grow up in. I would hate for your negative energy to transfer over to her children and give them more potential to head down the wrong path. Give these kids a chance at a normal life by being the best aunt/mother to them that you can be. And you can’t do that carry all the hatred in your heart.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I am living with my brother and his girlfriend in the house that my mom left us. I’m 18 years old and right now and I don’t have a job or any money. Living with his girlfriend is not working out for me. What can I do?

J.B.
Flordia, USA

Dear J.B.,

First off, you should find a job so you can have other options then to stay at the house with your brother. Secondly, you need to talk to your brother about his girlfriend living at the house. If the house is in both your names, then you have legal rights to the house.

Before things get messy, sit down with your brother and discuss the situation. As in, why the situation is not working out for you, etc. If he is financially paying your way, then you are not in the greatest situation. That is why I suggest that you get a job so that you can at least not rely on him for monetary support. It may be harder for you to make a case for yourself when you are relying on him for money.

Try to come to a compromise and don’t attack your brother in this situation. Perhaps he doesn’t even know that it bothers you so talk to him calmly and try to come to a compromise that the both of you can be happy with.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I am 14 years old and started cutting myself because of something that is going on in my life. I have been cutting for a few weeks, almost a month now. Only two close friends know about this. I don’t know what to do.

Ethan W.
New Jersey, USA

Dear Ethan,

I am not certain what you are experiencing in your life right now but the one thing that I do know is that by cutting yourself, it will not make this problem go away. Cutting yourself may make you mentally think that you are transferring the pain but the end result is the pain is not going to go away by cutting yourself.

Instead, whatever problem you are going through, you are only making it worse by cutting yourself. Not only will you have scars if you keep doing it, you make yourself vulnerable to infections and diseases. Why are you trying to give yourself more problems in your life then you already have?

Everyone goes through problems. All problems are different and everyone handles them differently. You need to not be so ashamed of this problem and seek help. Silence will only make things worse for you.

You reached out to me for advice. Talk to your friends. Talk to a school counselor. Get the help you need to get on the road to solving the problem because by cutting yourself, you are just making this road much worse to travel.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My husband and I have been planning on taking a trip with another couple to Las Vegas in a few months. On New Year’s Eve we were at their house for a party. Sometime during the night, the sister of the one of the couple, said how she heard how we were all going to Vegas and how much fun that would be and mentioned that they would like to go too.

Meaning her and her fiancé, I was taken a little aback and figured she must have been talking to her brother and wife (the other couple about going). So I said oh yea, that would be fun I’m not good at saying no to people).

Well when I get a chance a few days later to talk to the couple we’re going with, this is news to them. So now what do we do? It’s not a huge deal if they come, but I get the feeling that we would rather go without the sister.

I’m kind of mad that she just went ahead and invited herself like that.
On top of all that I’m the one that is suppose to be lining everything up for 4 people and now 6? Do you have any advice as to what to do?

Thank You!
Sarah
Mankato, MN
USA

Dear Sarah,

I know it can be annoying but we always have a few of those people in our lives that invite themselves to things you are doing even when you clearly are not inviting them.

It sounds like you don’t really know this other couple and it was never set in stone that they are coming along, I would suggest that you just plan the trip for the 4 of you.

Unless you told them for sure they can come and that you will be including them in your plans. If that is the case, then short of telling them sorry but we book a lot of things already so maybe next time.

I know that it is hard to say no sometimes but in the future, instead of saying no, you can say something to the sort that the planning has already begun and bookings and what not so you have to get back to them. That gives you a little bit of time and also gives you a chance to say sorry but maybe next time.

Have fun in Vegas!

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I am a 35 year old woman and have been married for 10 years. About 2 years ago I slept with my friend’s wife. It was a mistake. We were drinking and one thing lead to another. I felt really bad and started distancing myself from her.

Well she ended up telling my friend, I assumed out of fear that I would tell him, or she may have been mad at me for breaking off out friendship. About a year later we talked about it and we remained friends.

He explained to me that wasn’t her first time in being caught in something liked that he said that he was very angry at the time but he forgave me. We would call and check on each other from time to time, that sort of thing.

As soon as she found out we remained friends she was upset and very angry. She has recently called my husband and told him the story of us sleeping together. He never gave me a chance to explain he moved out.

My friend even called him to somehow help. It hurts because I have 2 wonderful kids that’s being affected by my mistake and her selfishness. I called her and told her that I will retaliate she claimed she’s contacted the police but I’m not sure.

I’m so angry right now! What should I do? I want her to hurt just as much as I am right now.

Sasha N.
Sandy Springs GA
USA

Dear Sasha,

As much as you are hurt, your children are the real victims here. Instead of concentrating your angry on your friend, you need to concentrate your energy on your children because I am sure they are much more affected by this then you are.

I am not sure if you are trying to work on things with your husband or even if he is willing to work things out. You made a mistake and you need to own up to it. If he is willing to work on your relationship and rebuild the trust then you need to focus on that and making your family whole again.

I know you are not in a good place right now and you are angry. I can understand that but as much anger you feel towards here is not going to change what you did and what she did. All you can focus on is the future and the future of your relationship with your husband and your children.

Don’t focus on trying to hurt your friend because it will do you no good. Focus whatever energy you have on something positive, which is trying to rebuild your relationship with your husband and helping your children cope with what has happened.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My 21 year old son has moved from job to job. He rarely stays for longer than couple of months. He is unemployed at the present time.

I live with his step father, who is at the end of his tether, since I was made redundant last September. I am desperately looking for work, but this has had no affect on my son Josh.

He doesn’t get up until mid afternoon. We have tried talking to him but it falls on deaf ears. My husband now wants to throw him out and I do agree that might be the only solution. Can you suggest how you can get through to someone who just won’t listen, shall I write it down?

I am my own worst enemy as I can’t just not feed him, but he doesn’t deserve the love and attention he gets from me.

Many thanks,
Maria K.
Surrey, ND
USA

Dear Maria,

The problem is you are treating your adult son as a child and he has continued to be one. He has no financial worries because you have been taking care of him since the day he was born.

Your son has a lack of respect for your home and how hard you have worked to take care of him. I would suggest that you really sit down and talk to him. Writing this down will not help. Let him know that you and your husband are struggling with financially since you are also out of work. Let him know that he needs to start contributing to the household.

Tell him it is time for him to be a man and not a boy any longer. Start charging your son rent for living at home with you and if he refuses, then you have no other choice but to kick him out.

By babying him any longer you are only hurting him. You are only allowing him to not keep a job and not give up when things are tough. I am sure not everyone loves their job or wants to stay at it but they do because they need to keep a job to feed their family.

Hopefully you can get through to your son. Don’t let him take advantage of you and your husband any longer or given time, this destructive behavior will drive your husband away.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

The summer before the beginning of 8th grade, two of my friends were going to sleep over, and we were going to sleep outside. One of my friends was already over, and we were calling the other one. She said she was coming and she never showed up.

The next day we called her and her other friend answered. She ditched us. I was already sort of mad because she lied to me and ditched me a week before all of this. I then decided that I was going to be mad.

About a week later I got over it and approached the friend to talk to her. She informed me that she was mad at me for being mad at her. She is spreading rumors about my friends and saying I started them. I now hang out with a lot of guy friends.

I lost just about all of my closest friends, and it has been more than half a school year, but they’re all mad. I’m starting to think they’re not actual friends. True friends wouldn’t believe the rumors. I don’t want to just let them go though because I had some of the best times of my life with them.

What should I do? Do you know if there is any way I can change this?

Chelsea P.
Pittsburgh, PA
USA

Dear Chelsea,

You are right about true friends. Although it is hard to admit that some friends aren’t always true friends, you need to recognize it and move on so you don’t dwell on people who aren’t true to you.

What does make it hard is the good times you guys had but what you have to remember is that is in the past. The good times are gone. You have learned an important lesson in what a true friend is so the next time around you will know how a true friend should treat one another.

The end to any relationship is hard but the one thing people need to realize is when it is the end, you need to let go. Holding on will just deepen the pain and drag it out for longer then it needs to be.

Focus on your future and be mindful of the friends you do have and will make. Friends come and go but true friends will always be there for you.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My best friend of 20 years has pretty much dumped me. It all started when she began dating a friend of my husband and I. She spent every waking moment with him. Then I heard that he was still married to his wife and trying to patch things up (while living with my friend). I emailed him and asked him that if he was planning to go back to his wife and fix his marriage great, but please be upfront with my friend since she had been jerked around by her ex-husband and I didn’t want her to have to go through that again.

Later on I got a call from her stating she needed to step away from our friendship and so I gave her plenty of space reassuring her from time to time that I loved her and would wait. In the mean time I heard many accounts of people seeing her boyfriend and his (ex)wife together and most times stating that they had never been divorced.

I defended my friend and him constantly. She slowly talked to me less and less, I talked with her sister about the situation out of desperation; but got nowhere. I emailed her one last time months ago, stating that I missed her and needed her in my life, practically begging her to sit down and talk with me face to face (as our contact had only been via email for the past year and a half).

I told her that I was disappointed that she had missed out on my son’s birth and saddened that she had never seen him. Mad that she was unwilling to accept any of my phone calls and worried about her deeply. She replied that she didn’t know where this was coming from and she didn’t understand why I tried to ruin all of her relationships, that she and her boyfriend had a very open relationship and that she was very happy.

I simply said that I want to get together and I heard nothing back. Since then, I have heard that he moved to another town and I have seen pictures of him and his (ex)wife with their new baby. I want to email her one last time and tell her how badly she has hurt me and let her know that I am aware that she’s been lying to me or that he has been lying to her! I would love to just not think about her anymore but we have all the same friends so I can’t escape it. I think I need some closure or something! What do I do?

Jessica B.
Fort Wayne, IN, USA

Dear Jessica,

I think you are trying to fight for a lost cause. It is time for you to let this friendship go because I think you have done everything and she has shown clearly that she doesn’t want to be involved in your life. Do you understand that a friendship is a two way street? It is time for you to move on from this and let it go.

She obviously knows what is going on, yet she wants to stay in the relationship. You have tried to help her, yet she has refused and has shunned you from her life. You have a life too. Stop focusing on her life and focus on yours.

She has already proven to not be a good friend, why keep toxic people like that in your life? Stop worrying about her and her situation, she has chosen this life for herself and there is not much you can do about it.

Friends come and go. Some friends are meant to be your friend forever and some just aren’t. I think it is time for you to accept that she is not your friend any longer and close the door to this dramatic chapter in your life and focus on the positive things in your life.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I don’t have a Facebook and I don’t plan on having one. My friend has one and we are like sisters. I want to talk to her on yahoo but she never checks her email and I asked her why and she said because all of her important friends have a Facebook. She really hurt me. What should I do?

Katherine B.
Mechanicsville, VA
USA

Dear Katherine,

I am not sure why your friend would say something so mean, unless you are reading more into this friendship then she is. If she is able to keep in touch with her other friends through Facebook but she has no time to keep in touch with you via email, why don’t you chat with her through a messenger service or call her on the phone?

I think what is important for you to focus on is on the fact of whether she really is a good friend. Friends are there for you regardless of what social networking system you have. If she is not making the effort to remain your friend, then perhaps, it is time for you to take a look at who really is your friend and will be there for you all the time and who is only your friend based on convenience.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I have been dating this guy for exactly one year. About 80% of the time he is the most awesome guy, fun, keeps me laughing, and so sweet. The other times, he lies, doesn’t want to be touched & yells at me. He blows up over the smallest thing.

He was so many friends that are girls and not enough guy friends. Every time he lies to me it’s about going out with girls. He says all the time that he has given up so many girlfriends to make me happy. I tell him he has to many girlfriends, that once your in a relationship you don’t think that will cause problems?

When he lies to me that is what makes me not trust him. He has lied to me since the beginning. One time he sent his mom a text saying “If Monica asks you if I am at your house tell her yes.” He really went to another city and stayed the night with his chick-friend.

That was 6 months into the relationship. About 2 months ago I read an email on his Facebook. He was telling another girl about how he is bored in our relationship but he loves me. Later that day he told me he was going on a guys night. I found out he really went out with that girl for drinks.

This kind of stuff has happened 5 times in one year. He told me the reason he went out for drinks with her was because it was the breaking point to make him realize he is ready to get married.

Also, he makes me pay 50% of EVERYTHING. Bills, food, gas everything. Now, problem is, as every other girl I am sure. I love him to death. With him doing all of this, the other side to him tells me all the time he wants to get married and tells me his plans. So now I am stuck in a lease with him till June.

I just found out the 5th lie of the year and I am stuck living with him. For my name to be signed off the lease he has to sign me off. It is expensive rent so I don’t want leave him stuck in it alone. What do I do?

Monica
Louisiana

Dear Monica,

The problem is you don’t love yourself. If you did, you would have never put up with this for the last year. Why would he not continue to lie to you, when you have proven in the last year that it is okay? You accept his lies and stay with him and he already knows that is what you would do, so I would not expect that to change ever. The only thing that can change is you.

You can realize that you deserve someone who doesn’t lie to you 100% of the time. Without trust and communication in a relationship, what do you have? Basically a train wreck full of drama.

The first month of the year hasn’t even ended but yet he has already told you 5 lies? Please wake up and realize how harmful this relationship is to your life.

If you are in a lease with him, please talk to the landlord. There are ways of getting out of the lease I am sure, especially if you can explain that you two will be splitting up. Hopefully the landlord will work something out with you. Don’t feel bad for leaving the lease or the situation, what you should really feel bad about is that you have been putting up with this abuse for a year now.

It will be hard. Very hard to leave him but unless you are willing to live the rest of your life being lied to, then you need to leave now. The only person who can change this is you. You need to gather the strength to stand up for yourself and give yourself a chance at a future with someone who truly loves you.

Imagine how much you love this guy. Then imagine having a guy who loves you 100% of the time. Decide what you want: a guy 80% of the time or a guy 100% of the time. Never settle for less then what you deserve.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My two friends, “Gloria and Dani” have been my friends for years. Gloria doesn’t treat Dani and I the way friends should be treated.

Recently Gloria called Dani names for being overweight while shopping for clothes. She vented to me for about 2 hours about how hurt she was and how she didn’t want to put up with it anymore.

So when I got home, I proceeded to talk to Gloria about what happened. I simply asked her “What happened between you and Dani?” She answered with “I hope you can forgive me” and hung up.

I texted her saying it’s not me that needs to forgive you. Then a few days later I get a text from Dani, about the same incident, but with more complaints about Gloria blaming her for betraying her. Dani continued to say that Gloria accused her of betrayal because she came to me to vent.

After being told this I called Gloria. I told her that she has no right to be mad at Dani, that by her not being a friend brought this on herself. Dani came to me because she was hurt, not because she wanted to hurt you, but because you hurt her.

Dani is not the type of person to really stand up for herself and “give someone her piece of mind” She’s really shy when it comes to her feelings, especially when she’s hurt.

I’m trying to decide whether to keep standing up for her and stop my friendship with Gloria. I hate seeing my friends hurt by her. Please help.

Jillian B.
New York, NY, USA

Dear Jillian,

The problem is not with Gloria. The problem is with you and Dani. The biggest problem is that you two do not know what the meaning of a friendship is, otherwise if you did, you would not have been friends with Gloria in the first place.

Issues will always arise in friendships but putting each other down and talking about it to one another is not a friendship. It is in both your best interest not be friends with Gloria and really figure out what a friendship means.

In any relationship you maintain, there should always be a mutual respect for one another, otherwise, the relationship will suffer. It is apparent that Gloria has no respect for either one of you.

Respect yourself and don’t accept others not respecting you.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My boyfriend went to the bowling alley with some friends and his ex was there. He tells me that he did not invite her there. I asked him if anything happened and he said that they only said hi to each other and that was it.

The next day, my friend told me that she say my boyfriend flirting and kissing his ex girlfriend. When I asked my boyfriend he said that he didn’t kiss her but that she pushed his head to kiss her.

So he retells me the story and admits to the flirting but says that some of the things my friend said was not true. He said that he lied about it because he was afraid I would get mad.

Anyways my boyfriend has a history of flirting with girls and has lied about it one or two times. He swears that he didn’t do anything with her but I believe he is lying.

Terrisa L.
Fort Walton Beach, FL, USA

Dear Terrisa,

Your boyfriend sounds far from ideal. How many times does he have to lie to you before you realize that you need more respect then what he is giving you? Relationships aren’t just about how much you like one another.

Relationships also include mutual respect and trust. If you don’t have that, the relationship isn’t going to go far. If you stay in the relationship, you will probably just continue to listen to his lies time and time again.

Only you can stop the cycle by leaving the situation and realizing that you deserve much better then that. Many girls stay in this kind of relationship because they don’t believe they deserve better or they just love the drama.

You can choose the road you take and your future. Do you want this kind of guy in your future?

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I have tried to commit suicide a long time ago and I was hospitilized for cutting my self and depression because my mother was on drugs. I have grown for that experience and I was soon diagnosed with Hepatits C and had to go through a series of giving myself shots.

My stepmother and my dad were there for me every step of the way. This all happen about 3 to 4 years ago. My stepmother and dad spilt up because she cheated so now I don’t talk to her anymore.

She is making him pay the mortgage for the house even though we don’t live there. I feel completely alone and I have no one to talk to. I am starting to have suicidal thoughts again and I don’t know how to deal with all of this.

Casey C.
West Roxbury, MA, USA

Dear Casey,

Have you tried to talk to your father about this? Since he was supportive of you a few years ago, I think it would be best if you talk to him about what is going on. As much as you are struggling, perhaps he is too and you can talk to one another and get through this tough time together.

There are always going to be things happening to us that are beyond our control. What is important for each individual to realize is, not what they are lacking but what they do have. If everyone focused on what they don’t have, they will no doubt be depressed. But if a person is able to focus on all the things you should be appreciating, it makes life more bearable.

How have you gone about making friends? Perhaps if you like sports, you can join a team. Or if you like reading, join a book club? Instead of dwelling on all these negative feelings inside you, find your passion. Do something positive with what you like to do and absorb that positive energy back into your life. Life is way too short to be sad all the time.

Always here,
Jasmine