Dear Jasmine,

I married a wonderful man and loving father of two little girls last year and he treats me great and has a terrific career. I have a 12-year-old son from a previous marriage and have full custody of him.

My husband has little tolerance for children other than his two, and I’ve noticed lately that he is more and more distant to my son. My son gets good grades, was promoted to upper math class, does his chores, rarely complains yet my husband recognizes nothing he does but constantly complains about my son. All the while his girls have gotten more and more out of control, doing damage to our house, constant temper tantrums and bringing stress on the family.

My son doesn’t see the bias yet but I am afraid he will. My son scored in the upper percentile in his end of year math testing, but my husband only made fun of the testing process. My son was invited to join a special math/engineering group for next year to take math at a local university on Saturdays, and my husband didn’t even acknowledge it; yet he heaps praise on his daughter for getting on the school bus without having a temper tantrum.

I am worried about when my son becomes a teen and what friction will come about between him and his stepfather?

Terri
Roanoke Rapids, VA

Dear Terri,

Your problem is that you were only thinking of yourself when you married this man and not your son. If you were thinking of your son, then perhaps you wouldn’t have married your husband so quickly and would have waited until he treated your son better.

It is time to stop being selfish because the problem you have created for your son. It is normal for your husband to treat his biological children better then others. However, if he wants to be a part of your family, he needs to treat them all equally.

Tell your husband your concern and if he refuses to treat your son equally, I hope this time you will do the right thing for your son and not for yourself and leave this man. Your son should be more important to you.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

About 2 months ago I caught my wife cheating with her boss. She is 27 years old and he is 45 years old. She was sexually assaulted between the ages of 6 and 16 by her step father.

Over our 9 years together (married 4) she has caught me numerous times watching porn. She said she couldn’t handle it and said stop or she would leave. We have a 3 year old son and just bought a house 6 months ago. I understand how I pushed her to this and want to get help for my problem.

However my wife said she can’t decide what to do. She said she can’t stop the affair right now, but she doesn’t want to me to go. Now I am sleeping in another room but I still wait on her hand and foot.

She says she wants us to be friends and that we can work on things. But I have to watch her go to work every day knowing what is going on. I love her very much and don’t want to lose her or my life I have worked so hard to build.

She said she needs me to be her friend right now and to keep positive, but I feel as if I am going to loose my mind and she tells me to quit pouting I made my own bed when I am feeling depressed.

Jack W.
Houston, TX

Dear Jack,

You are being played by your wife right now. She is using your love for her and abusing her. Why are you lowering yourself to be with someone who is cheating on you? There is no reason for you to stay in this relationship, regardless of why she is cheating. The point is that she will not stop and you two cannot work to rebuild any type of relationship with one another when this is going on.

Stop putting yourself in this horrible situation and file for a divorce and try to get custody of your son because this is no environment for your son to grow up in. If she doesn’t care about the emotional turmoil she is putting you two in, it is about time you stand up and act like a man and take care of your child by taking him out of this destructive situation.

It won’t be easy but for the sake of the well being of your son, do the right thing for him and not what your heart tells you to do. It is no longer about how you feel, it is about how your son feels. If you ignore your son, then you are just as bad as your wife.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

Hello, I need some advice in order to help me figure out how I feel about this guy that I was friends/more than friends with.

I am meeting with him today to talk and have been confused about things that he has said/done in regards to our relationship.

Corina
Canada

Dear Corina,

Whatever the situation is, you need to be honest with your “friend”. By going back between just friends and more then friends, it creates confusion and often times leads to hurt feelings from one or both parties. If you just want to be friends with him, then just keep it at that, don’t confuse yourself or him by complicating the friendship even more. If you want to pursue something more, just know the risk of perhaps not being to be friends after. Whatever route you choose, you just need to follow through and be upfront about it.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My problem is that my wife is unkind to my child from a previous relationship. I have two kids with my wife, ages 3 and 5, and have been with her for almost 10 years. My oldest daughter is almost 11. Although my wife has been around her this long, she is uncaring and hurtful towards her. She doesn’t say hello to her, ever. She shows her no affection. No kindness. My wife is quick to direct her or discipline her, but that’s it.

My wife barely speaks to her, and bad-mouths her to my smaller children. I view this as childish behavior, since my daughter had no say in my marriage. My question is, how do I change things? How do ensure my child doesn’t resent and hate me for not leaving my wife? I feel like I owe my child, she is a defenseless kid, but leaving my wife would only make me miss my other two kids as much as I miss my oldest when she is gone. Thanks for any help.

Hector P
Milwaukee WI

Dear Hector,

The first mistake you made was marrying this woman. You did not marry a woman but you married a child. Your first priority is to your children and you have put your needs in front of you children and that is selfish. This woman is treating your children badly and you stay in this marriage.

There is no quick fix to this problem besides get a divorce. Don’t bring your children into a bad environment because they don’t deserve it. You may think that she will change but your children shouldn’t have to suffer for one more minute of this womans cruel words. Don’t drag your children along in this drama with her and do what is right for your children. If you want to have fun and date women, do it after your children turn 18 years old and are out of a house. At this time your number one concern should be your children’s needs and not your own. You want to fix this later, go ahead but for the time being, stop being selfish and give your children a good caring environment without this childish woman.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I have lived with my partner and her family for more than 2 years.
Her mother is a controlling. She would do anything to please her or at least get things her way and she will not listen to anyone in the house.

Sometimes, I even have a feeling that she wouldn’t care how other people feel, as long as she is please! I hope I am wrong! I don’t know what she comes up with and complaint about me with my partner behind my back and we end up fighting every time she does.

We don’t have any privacy; she would come to our bedroom to look for things, making noises every morning and wake us up without thinking that we are going to be at work later on!

What can I do now? My girlfriend already made decision. If I still want to live together then I have to find a way to please her mother. If not, feel free to move out!

Rex T
Silver Spring, MD

Dear Rex,

I think the answer is quite clear: move out. If you are living there, paying rent and being treated like this, you should move on out. Your girlfriend has not respect for you, so I am not sure why you are in this relationship. There needs to be some reasoning behind pleasing her mom because it is nice to please your mom but not when it is not reasonable to do so. Sounds like your girlfriend doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it and if you do, then perhaps you need to move out and rethink this relationship and whether or not you should be together at all.

Always here,
Jasmine

These Section are still pretty new, but please stop by and give any feedback you may have! Click the links or banners below to go to the section!

Cheaters Caught
Cheater’s Caught is a new section that allows readers who have been cheated on to post their stories in an effort to share their experince with others. Readers can share their stories and maybe help out another fellow reader by pointing out some of their warning signs they saw before they found out their partner was cheating and the ways they are dealing with it now.

Need to Rant
Need to Rant is a section created to give readers a chance to just rant or vent about something. It could be virtually anything the reader wants to vent about and not necessarily need advice on it. Readers are welcome to send in their comments on any of the stories and if necessary it will be forwarded to the poster.

Post a Dedication:
Post a Dedication gives readers a chance to post a special dedication to someone who is or was special in their life. Perhaps you never got the chance to tell someone how you feel and would like to post a dedication to them. Feel free to send in your dedications and they will be posted.

Thank you for visiting!

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My ex boyfriend is 27 years old and I am 22 years old. We broke up two months ago because he thought we were too different in ages, careers and views on drug use to have a long term relationship. He recently contacted me saying that he missed me and felt he felt that he made the wrong decision.

I missed him very much also. We have seen each other a few times since and feel very strongly for each other. My ex now says he is certain he wants us to be together again, and sees a long term future despite the age difference. He has even talked of marriage and children in the future.

He has been very upset and says he wants to quit smoking, which he has been doing for 12 years. He says he wants us to wait until he has sorted his head out until we start again so we can have the best possible chance of working long term without any issues.

I have offered to be there for him and to help him but he says he needs to sort himself out by himself. I know he is not seeing anyone else, he just seems very unhappy, he has been crying a lot

I have suggested he visits a doctor if he is this upset but I think male pride is getting in the way! My question is what can I do? I feel a bit pathetic waiting for someone to come back to me, but then I think if he didn’t really want to be with me there is no need for him to have contacted me at all.

Emma
England, United Kingdom

Dear Emma,

That is where you are wrong. It sounds to me that this guy is just stringing you along. Whether or not he has another woman isn’t the question, although I wouldn’t be surprised. There is not reason for you to wait around for him. When he told you that he wanted to break up for the age differences, etc, those were just excuses. The point is he wanted to break up with you and he wanted an excuse.

Perhaps you need to take a look at yourself to see why you want to waste your time waiting for this guy. You have offered your help, but he doesn’t want it. He just doesn’t want you around but he wants you around maybe in the future, if he doesn’t find someone better.

Gather what is left of your self esteem and realize you don’t need this guy. If he truly wanted to be with you, he would work through his tough times with you and build a stronger relationship with you. Instead he is being selfish by asking you to wait for him. Be smart and don’t fall for his words because actions always speaks a lot louder and clearer the words ever could.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I lost my job due to downsizing and got hired at a new job but the job will not be ready for me for another two months. I am a single mother of two. The only income I have currently is child support until my new job starts. It has been financially very hard. My boyfriend of 1 year knows this. I don’t know of any job where I can respectfully work only to quit in 8 weeks and feel good doing so to any employer that hires me. I would feel awful doing that to them.

Regretfully one day I asked my boyfriend for a loan. We do not live together. He makes good money and has no obligations to anyone other than his own living expenses. I was praying that knowing my current situation he would offer to help like a lot of boyfriends do. I never expected him to nor have I ever asked for anything from him before in the year we have been together.

I was just secretly praying he would as any girl would under the circumstances. I am a professional and not a load or free loader. He asked me how much I needed and I told him. He said he would loan me the money and that it was not a gift and I was expected to pay him back. Am I wrong to be hurt he was so abrupt? I feel like he didn’t give me chance to tell him I would pay him back before saying it.

Edie S
Sharon, PA

Dear Edie,

It sounds like your boyfriend may have been a little bit insensitive at the time but the fact is what he is saying is true. Not everyone sugar coats things and perhaps he has had a bad experience that made him respond the way he does.

It is well known that many times, people don’t pay each other back and by him saying it, he probably has either experienced it himself or he has seen it around him and doesn’t want it to happen to him. Can’t really blame the guy, at least he is helping you out. You should look pass this and just be grateful he is helping you out and repay him as soon as you can.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My sister-in-law is an admitted liar, cheater and thief. Brother-in-law has left her several times but he always goes back because they have children. I can’t stand to look at her but am forced to with the holidays coming up.

How do I handle her? I hate the fact that she does all she does and still everyone welcomes her back to the family and acts like nothing has happened. It disgusts me and frankly I think she should have to pay for all the hurt she has caused. I am done faking it when the family is all together.

If I completely ignore her at the holidays I will look like a jerk. My husband and I share the same feelings towards her. Please advise.

Thanks,
S
Pennsylvania

Dear S,

My advice is to you is, to suck it up for a couple hours ever holiday and just grin it and bear it. It is not as if you need to be around her on a daily basis. I say be cordial when you see her and try avoiding any lengthy conversion with her. That way, you will be the bigger person in this situation and you can keep the “harmony” in the family.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My husband cheated on me with many people including my best friend, back in 2005. He was so sorry and begged my forgiveness. W went to marriage counseling. It seemed our marriage had changed and had actually gotten better than ever. I just found out Oct 30th 2007,that he has still been cheating all along with different women.

He says he is so sorry again, and that he is a sexaholic and now going to meetings. He says he has changed and has dealt with his past (childhood problems etc.) and now doesn’t hate himself anymore, so he won’t cheat again.

He claims to have found God again and that God has changed him. I don’t think that I will ever trust him again. We have been married 10 years with 2 kids and also raising his siblings. I need help, am I a fool to think he could really change? Is it true that a cheater always a cheater?

Janice A
Florida

Dear Janice,

Are all cheaters who cheat once, more likely to cheat again. Maybe, maybe not. This isn’t the case with your husband. Your husband cheated many times and only got caught twice. You need to take a look back and ask yourself what you want to do for the rest of your life.

Do you want to be looking over your husbands shoulder for the rest of your life? Is that the kind of life you want to lead? Do you deserve this? I think that it is important for you to ask yourself these questions and to find the courage to say that you do deserve better and so do your children.

Don’t put yourself through this but most importantly, don’t put your children through this. They will only learn by example and if you show them that this kind of behavior is okay, they may mimic it as they grow older or even get abused like you have. Perhaps you have been thinking about yourself more then your children. Give your children the peaceful future they deserve and not indulge them in this unnecessary drama that your husband has created.

He obviously only cares about himself and not you or your children, so it is time you stand up and care for your children and yourself. That is the only way you will ever find happiness one day in your life.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I just got a big screen TV to enjoy with family and friends. I gave my old one to my brother. Now he wants to watch all the games at his house and I feel used. I am not married or have kids so I look forward to them coming over and now there is a big game coming up and they are not coming over and I am upset about it.

I don`t know if I should go to my brothers because I know I won`t enjoy myself. What should I do?

Adam Gomez
San Antonio, TX

Dear Adam,

What you did was a good thing. Don’t turn it into something bad. Your brother sounds like he never really could afford a TV and perhaps is now happy that he has one to share with his friends too.

I think that it is important for you to be there for your brother and share this moment of “glory” with him. Perhaps let him know that you want to have friends over and you guys can alternate days on certain games so you both can enjoy it together.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My son and his girlfriend have been dating for 4 years now. They have several arguments and have broken up 1 time for 2 weeks because she wanted her (come to find out was seeing a guy from work she says nothing happen).

My son is 26 years old and she is 20 years old. He is ready to settle down and she accepted engagement ring but won’t set a date yet. She says he tells her what to do when to do it and how to do it. He has been known to ride by her house late at night or early morning to see it her car is there.

Well here lately they have been arguing and she says he treats her like he is her father. I feel he is very insecure and feels like he can’t get know one else but her. He has mention he thinks he might need to talk to someone. Any suggestions on what type of counselor he should talk to or should he talk to a physiologist. Thanks for any help and advise.

Kat
Georgia

Dear Kat,

It sounds like your son realizes that he has a problem. He is in a destructive relationship with this girl and he clearly doesn’t trust her. That is not a foundation you want to build a marriage on. She clearly has other plans for herself rather then marrying your son and I think your son is starting to realize that but doesn’t know how to let go.

I think the best bet for your son to do is to look for some local relationship therapist to talk to. Search it up on the internet or look through your phone book. I think your son is on the road to getting away from this woman, as she seems to be no good for him. The bright side of all this is that at least your son is willing to see that he needs help because he knows how dysfunctional his relationship is and is looking for a way out.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My boyfriend and I have been friends since we were kids, we recently started dating roughly four years ago. We are 24 years old and everyone says we a are a great couple, we are extremely compatible, and are each others best friends.

So what is the next step: marriage. But not with him. He isn’t ready to get married. I am extremely offended by this, we are in love, we are compatible, we plan for our future, yet he isn’t sure enough to marry me. All my friends are getting married- it is shameful for me.

They all say that we should, and we have known each other forever. My four best friends are all getting married to men they have dated less than two years. When I ask them how are they sure, they all say the same thing, “when you in love, you are sure”.

I am in love, I am sure but my boyfriend isn’t. So I am thinking of leaving. If my 15 years of friendship and last four years living together hasn’t taken its effect, than maybe it is a lost cause. Maybe I am wasting my own time. I see our small window of opportunity closing in for us to have a romantic engagement.

It has gotten to the point where we fight about it constantly. He says that he is not ready, I say well then that I am leaving, but in reality I don’t want to threaten him into marrying me, that is not romantic!

Lately we have just been hostile towards each other, and we are committed to going to all my friends weddings together and its miserable to watch all my friends in happiness and me be so self conscious about my boyfriend.

Why doesn’t he want to marry me? He says it is because he wants to own a house and have a better job when he walks down the alter. Those are his reasons. I am tired of fighting over it, it has ruined everything, I don’t want to win. I just want him to feel the same way. I want him to want to marry m e like I want to marry him. I have one foot out the door, I am basically waiting for your response on what to do.

Josephina
Henderson, NV

Dear Josephina,

I think that it is important for you to realize that you never want to force a guy to propose to you or to marry you. I think you realize that as well but the feeling you have of wanting to get married is so strong that I think you have overlooked a lot of things. First of all, 24 years old is still relatively young. I understand that you have known each other a very long time and have an established relationship, but I don’t think you need to get married now.

I know it is hard not to compare yourself with your many friends that are getting married and it is a very common feeling to have. What you have to try to focus on is that not everyone follows the same timeline. Everyone lives their lives differently and reaches certain points in their life when they are ready.

What I mean is, I think his concerns about having a stable job and buying a house is reasonable before he got married. I assume he is working towards it right now so why not just get engaged? I think it is important for you to feel as if he wants to marry you when he is stable enough and want that commitment from him but in his mind, he probably thinks as soon as you get engaged, you will have to get married soon.

Perhaps compromise with him and let him know that you just want to know that he does want to marry you and that even if you got engaged, it doesn’t mean that you have to get married right away. Some people take a long time to plan a wedding. I mean realistically speaking, wedding planning takes a very long time but guys may not understand that.

I suggest you talk to him about it in a reasonable and rational way. If he still is giving excuses even though you are okay with a long engagement, then perhaps it is time for you to find someone who is truly ready to commitment themselves to you fully. Because when it comes down to a commitment to marriage, it is a commitment to make one another happy and if he cannot commit to that, then as hard as it is to let go, it is harder to hang on.

I hope all turns well for you, but just one rule of thumb, don’t force it. If you want that romantic proposal, this is definitely not the way to get it. If you have to fight so hard for it, maybe it is better to let go while you are still young. You want to marry someone who wants to marry you, not someone who is forced into marrying you for the fear of losing you at that moment. If you cannot wait for him to get his career and goals on track before you marry, and he doesn’t want to compromise with a long engagement, then save yourself the prolong pain of staying in this relationship. Good luck.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I am 16 years old and I have been cutting for a long time. I often go over scar over and over again. Last year one of my cuts got infected and I almost lost my hand, but even after that I can’t stop.

Keshia Hughes
Longmont, CO

Dear Keshia,

If you don’t talk to your parents or a trusted adult about this matter, it wouldn’t be surprising to me if you lost your life, much less your hand. Cutting yourself is very selfish because you are not just hurting yourself physically and mentally, you are hurting everyone else around you.

Talk to your parents or talk to a trusted adult soon, otherwise I don’t think there is much of a future for you to plan when all you are doing is trying to destroy your life with your very own hands. Be strong just this one time, it could save your life.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

Last night my boyfriend arrived home after being out drinking. I was at work. My older child who is 21 years old, who lives alone was babysitting her brother, my 8 year old son. My boyfriend sent her home and he normally goes to bed, but this time he didn’t.

He stripped naked and went into my sons room and stood over him. My son watched in fear and the he left the room and laid on couch with my child’s bedroom door open, and proceeded to turn over and rub his privates. Please give me some advise. This has never happened before.

N. E.
New York, NY

Dear N,

Your boyfriend is probably a child predator and exhibits it through excessive drinking, making him an alcoholic. You need to leave this man if you care for your son. That kind of behavior is unacceptable and if you were a good mother to your son, you will report this guy to the authorities and hope he gets the help that he needs because this behavior is not right.

You are lucky that your son was not sexually molested or worse raped by your boyfriend. If you continue to stay with him then that is exactly what you are allowing your boyfriend to do to your.

This may be the first offense but you shouldn’t even give him a chance at a second. Do the right thing and report this guy and leave him before you damage your son any further.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

Lately, I have been having problems with confronting teenagers my age to befriend them. I guess it’s because people think I am either too fat, too naive, too weird or too unpopular because whenever I try to start a conversation with someone new they usually say things like, “Oh my god, that Danielle girl wouldn’t stop talking to me!”

I try to do that with everyone, but most of the people have problems with their current friends disliking me or my style. Some called me a mean person earlier on, but it was because I didn’t know how to handle bullying or insults.

Whenever I start a sport or after-school activity, I do make few friends (one or two), but we never stay in touch because we are not in the same grade. I have about a dozen friends in younger grades, but I am going to high school this year as a freshman. How do I start a conversation with people? I need new friends. I need a variety.

Danielle
New Jersey

Dear Danielle,

I must stress the importance of quality of quanity. Of course, you are at an age where you are growing up and you want to get to know more people, which is great. I think once you start high school, the way to start conversations with people would be to talk about class.

Perhaps ask one question about something and get a conversation started that one. Remember I said one question and let them answer. That way you have opened yourself up to seeing them next time and just saying hello to them as you pass them by. Let those types of relationships foster into possibility friendships but don’t expect them all to be that way. Remember a conversation involves two people so let the other person talk too.

Always here,
Jasmine