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Feelings For Friend

Dear Jasmine,

There is this guy I have know of all my life and only recently have become friends with him. Over the past year, I have developed feelings for him. We hang out like once a week, one on one and have dinner and chill, but he is seeing another girl, who is married awaiting a divorce, and not sure when that will happen.

I want to tell him how I feel and only hope we can build something together but not sure if I am just wasting my time with him. We talk each day and it’s really a nice connection when we talk. If I decide to come clean what do I say or should I remain silent and just take it for what it is for as long as I can get it?

In love and confused,
J
Bermuda

Dear J,

I think that you should tell your friend how you feel because that way you will never have to wonder about what could have been. You would know that either he wanted to pursue a relationship with you or he didn’t. If he doesn’t it is better that you know now, rather then pine away for him for more time and let it drag on. Just tell him how you feel about him since you started hanging out and how the feelings have developed and you wanted to know how he felt. Hopefully all goes well, but if it doesn’t, just remember, its better that you know now so you can begin to move on, rather then find out years down the line.

Always here,
Jasmine

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Confused With Girlfriend

Dear Jasmine,

I have no clue what is going on, I mean I am pissed and depressed at the same time!!! I guess I misunderstood my girlfriend when I asked her out the second time. When I asked her out again, she told me it was a halfway thing. So I was said okay, so I will take that as a yes and she said that was pretty much correct. But I just got off the phone with her and things did not go well at all.

She told me that we were not boyfriend and girlfriend and she did not understand why I would call her that and I told her that we were boyfriend and girlfriend and she said that we weren’t. So then went a few awkward moments and I asked her for another chance. She would not say a thing.

Then I asked her again and she has nothing to say. I kept asking her until she say sure and I asked her if she was lying to me or not and she would not answer me. I told her that I still feel that vibe with her and she didn’t say anything. So I was like I guess you don’t feel the same anymore then do you and she replied that she did.

So after that she said she had to go and I asked her if I could call her tomorrow and she said I could. Right now I have no clue what to do or what is going on. I have no clue what to do. I don’t know how in the world you would have any advice for me now, but give as much as possible. I need her back.

Matt
Arkansas

Dear Matt,

A person can care or feel the same for you, yet not want to date you. You need to have a serious talk with her to figure out what is going on, whether or not she wants to date you or not. Keep in mind that just because she likes you, doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to be with you. She can like you and other people, or maybe she just doesn’t want a relationship. No one knows expect for her and you can’t sit around guessing all day. Talk with her and ask her what is going on, if she still doesn’t want to date you, then you need to respect her wishes and move on.

Always here,
Jasmine

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Boyfriend Puts in No Effort

Dear Jasmine,

I love my boyfriend of two years. We have been best friends since we were children. He is a terrible boyfriend. When I say terrible, he doesn’t beat me, abuse me, or anything like that, but he is just extremely inconsiderate as a boyfriend.

Mainly, it is a ton of little things, he forgets birthdays, which is near impossible because 1. we have been friends over ten years, and 2. because he knew the entire time because my three best friends have the same birthday and he reminded me to call them for theirs.

Also, he comes home and plays on the computer, or works on his hobbies, and never spends any quality time with me. When we go out, I am constantly spending money because he is broke from his hobbies.

He half asses everything he does for me, never attempts to be romantic or appreciative of everything I do for him. He is always making promises to be a better boyfriend and change, but in reality, he hasn’t really made an effort.

This was beginning last Valentines Day, I noticed he was being less and less affectionate and caring, and now a year later he is like my best friend and nothing more. My best friend, that won’t let me date other guys. We still kiss and hug, but not passionately.

I have threatened to leave, fought with him, and it always ends with us saying I love you, and apologizing. He swears he loves me, but his actions speak louder than his words. I love him with all my heart, but deep down, it feels like I am just his best friend.

No flowers, no cards, no romantic dinners, but plenty of hang out time. What should I do when talking has gotten us no where a year later, is it true he just needs to grow up and I need to be patient?

If I leave, I am losing my best friend in the world, and my entire life as I know it. I honestly can say I love this boy, but I don’tt want to be a fool and waste my one life with someone who doesn’t love me back, he is just comfortable. Any suggestions would be great!

Thanks your amazing.

MaryLou
Lake Tahoe, CA
USA

Dear MaryLou,

He hasn’t change because he knows that your threats are just that and that you will not leave him even if he doesn’t change. The truth is, he continues to be this way because you allow him to. I do think that your relationship is more a friendship then a relationship.

He sounds like a controlling type of person, that is why he doesn’t want you to date others, even though he may not really want to be your boyfriend. He probably does care for you since he is your best friend but the feelings probably are not in terms of being in love.

It sounds like he can be a considerate type of person but it sounds like he doesn’t respect you enough to be considerate to you. Ask yourself if you are truly losing a best friend if you leave him, or just someone who has been using you to pay for his food or clean up after him.

Relationships are a two way street. Once it goes one way for such a long time, its hard to turn that around. Don’t waste your time waiting for someone to change, even if that person is your best friend. Time to be with someone who gives you the consideration that you deserve and need. If you lose him as a friend, then it was never really meant to be. True friends will stay friends forever and sadly not every friend, or best friend is forever.

Always here,
Jasmine

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Wedding Planning Trouble

Dear Jasmine,

My boyfriend just proposed to me last month after 3 years. We are in the process of planning the wedding and a few issues have arise. First, his mother wants the wedding to be in December of this year! That is less the one year of planning. I don’t think that is enough time to plan the wedding and I rather have some more time to plan the wedding so that it will be perfect.

Okay, the next issue is that my boyfriend is from Arizona and my boyfriend’s family wants to have the wedding there. I disagree because we have already built a life here and all our friends and my family are here. I think it is pretty selfish for his family to expect us to change everything to accommodate them. They even have started looking for reception halls for us so that we can get a good variety to choose from. I don’t know how to approach the situation and I think it is slowly getting out of hand.

I just want to have enough time to plan my own wedding and make it as beautiful as it can be without too many people butting in. I feel like I am going crazy from all this wedding planning, or lack of. What do you think I should do?

Kristan R.
San Diego, CA
USA

Dear Kristan,

I think that it is important for you to let everyone know that you would like to plan this wedding yourself and will consider their ideas. I am sure you will value everyones’ input but planning a wedding should be something special that the bride and groom will share so they could have the memorable wedding they want. I do agree with you that 11 months is a bit short of a time period to plan a wedding. Most people take anywhere from a year to 2 years to plan a wedding, since there are so many details to have to go over and discuss. So you should discuss this with your soon to be groom and set a date that you both can agree upon.

As for his mother, she sounds like she has a lot of opinions about this wedding. I wonder if she is paying for it? Whether or not she is, I do think that it is important for you to hold the wedding where you want to, it is not about pleasing others on this special day but it is about pleasing the bride and groom and celebrating your love. If they insist on having the wedding there and are paying for it, perhaps you two should consider paying for your own wedding if you want to have everything your own way. Or you could try working something out so that everyone will be happy, but that may requiring a lot of compromising here.

It is your wedding day and it is up to you. Don’t get pushed around into doing something that won’t make you happy on your special day.

Always here,
Jasmine

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Confronted by Boyfriends Dying Wife

Dear Jasmine,

I am having an affair with a married man, the problem is that his wife has come and confronted me about it several times and I have denied it. He doesn’t want her to find out because she has cancer and may be dying soon. I feel really guilty dating him while he is still married but I love him so much.

His wife has come to my house, my work, etc to confront me or try to catch him in the act but hasn’t gotten lucky just yet. I am tired of hiding it from her and I think that he should be honest with her but I don’t think he will. I am not sure what to do.

Hilda T.
Fargo, ND
USA

Dear Hilda,

I find it funny that you want your boyfriend to be honest with his wife, when you are the opposite of anything honest. You are dating a married man who has manipulate you into thinking he is concern for his wife because she is dying of cancer.

First I question whether or not she is even sick or if it is just a excuse to keep you in the shadows while he is still dating you and married. Secondly, I would guess that even if wasn’t sick, he would come up with some other excuse to keep you a secret.

What you need to do is stand up for yourself. Instead of being the other woman, you need to be the only woman. If he is willing to do this to his dying wife, whose to say he will not do it to you.

I strongly suggest that you give him an ultimatum of either being with you or his wife and you can see what his true feelings are by what he chooses. Even if he chooses you, I would really be careful of this deceitful man. I can’t decide which is worse, cheating on your spouse and lying aboug it or cheating on your dying spouse and lying about it.

Always here,
Jasmine

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