Dear Jasmine,

My boyfriend and I broke up in November of last year and during that time he had sex with another girl.

We are back together now. The girl that he slept with is now pregnant and says the baby is his. We really want to be together but I am not sure what to do.

Should I stay with him?

Christina
San Antonio, TX
USA

Dear Christina,

There is a simple answer to your question. The question is: are you able to be supportive of the relationship he will need to have with this girl and his child. If the answer is no, then you need to get out now because if this is his baby, he needs to be responsible in taking care of his baby.

You should not get in the way of him taking care of his child, so if you can accept it and help him through this process, then by all means stay. He can no longer be selfish because he has a child to think of now and you need to understand that if you want to stay with him.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

For the last couple of months, my husband has been acting different. He has been asking me every night if I’m working that night, this is on a daily basis which he never done in the past.

He has been keeping his cell phone with him at all times, he also keeps it locked. His stories changes and inconsistent, shows too much affection and concerns (very unusual), and other weird and strange comments like “incest is safe”?

This began last November. The person he has constantly talking to is his sister that lives in Utah. This has been the most time that they’ve talked to each other for a long time, which they never had done in the past.

They have been talking to each other a lot especially when I’m at work at night. I believe in my gut that they’ve been having phone sex when I’m at work.

He gets too sensitive if I ask him about it. He had told me several years ago that he had sex with her sister when they were in their teens for 2 years.

I would like to know if their feelings toward each other has continued to this day? As adult will they resume where they have left off?

Remy
Colorado Springs, CO

Dear Remy,

I don’t see why their feelings towards each other can’t continue. Even if it is tabooed, your husband could still have these feelings. If he never went to any professional counseling or got help for what happened, then it is very likely that he is resuming where he left off with his sister.

I think if you do want to work out this marriage, that you two need to get into marriage counseling. This issue is not going to resolve itself.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I have been with my fiancé for 2 years now. Throughout those 2 years he has tried to cheat on 2 times but I caught him before he could end up doing anything sexually with them.

After the second time he did it, I left and went to stay with my parents, but only for a week. In that week he cried to me and told me how much he was going to change and he realized when I left for those days how lonely and worthless he was with out me.

He seems like he has changed, he doesn’t go out, he doesn’t even have his cell phone anymore and we just share mine. I love the person he has become but I am scared it is all an act. I am supposed to start planning the wedding but I don’t know if a liar really changes.

Jodi A.
Germantown, MD

Dear Jodi,

I would suggest that you be very cautious if you want to stay in this relationship with your fiancé. I would strongly suggest that you hold off on getting married for some time because you shouldn’t be planning a marriage with this looming over you.

Give it some time because like you said, it could all just be an act, or maybe he really did change. Although I find it unlikely that he did, I think you will probably stay with him and find out so I am just suggesting that you keep your eye open.

Perhaps you may get tired of looking over your shoulder every few minutes to see if he is cheating on you and leave him because that is probably what he deserves.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

A good friend of mine from work confided in me that she entered into a sexual relationship with one of our coworkers. She is a married woman with children and so is the coworker.

Our families have spent time together and my husband and I consider her husband to be a friend. Since she told me a year ago of the relationship and she has denied having continued the relationship. I know that she has not been telling me the truth and every day she lies more to me.

I want to know if I should stop being her friend because of her lying to me. I also feel like I’m betraying her husband by withholding this information. Should I tell him?

Kathy
New Jersey

Dear Kathy,

I think that her husband does need to know but the person to tell him is not you. I think that you should tell your friend that she needs to be honest with her husband because you and your husband do not want to have to feel that you guys are lying to him too.

Keep in mind that this is the work place so be careful to not let this affect your work environment. I think the best thing for you to do is to steer clear of this friend and her husband and let them work out their problems on their own but don’t participate in it.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I am in a huge confusing mess in my life right now. I met a guy right before Thanksgiving and we messed around and he ended up telling me he loved me a few weeks later. Over the weeks I had fallen head over heels for him. I have never felt this way about anyone before.

I was living with my best friend at the time and she would tell me these horrible, mean things about the guy. She would not stop no matter how upset I got over what she would say. We ended up not talking for awhile and I moved out.

He started talking to me 2 weeks ago. Then he stopped for a few days. I told him I didn’t want to play these games that I was done with him and it hurt extremely bad to say that to him. Now he is talking to me and told me two days ago that we need to talk but he has not said anything else about when or what he wants to talk about.

He is not the type of guy to ever say that! I love him so much and it hurts so bad that I cry almost every night and I can hardly sleep. I feel horrible all day!

I am usually a happy care free person but all of this with him I’m different. How do I get him to listen and tell me what he wants from me? I just want him to tell me if he wants to stay with me or want me to leave him alone?

Danielle L.
La Porte, IN
USA

Dear Danielle,

It sounds like this guy is unsure of what he wants. Bottom line is, if he wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t be doing this to you. Even though things seemed all brand new and dandy at first, now you see the real side of things.

You may not want to believe it because you think he is a good guy and he wouldn’t say or do certain things. The fact of the matter is, you need to forget what you think he is like and actually see him for who is he. How he is treating you now.

Perhaps the guy you fell in love with, is not the guy he truly is. I know its hard to move on when you have so many feelings for him, but if you continue to tolerate this kind of behavior, you are just setting yourself for more heartache in the future.

Your everyday life and feelings should never revolve around one person. That is an unhealthy way to live. Sure, we have our down moments and may not be our cheerful self, but never let anyone be the sole cause of your happiness. You need to find other things in your life that make you happy and not just let it be about a relationship. Until you can find happiness with yourself without a guy, it may be best for you to stay away from relationships. You need to find a balance within yourself and be content.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I am 27 years old and I just started seeing this guy. Within weeks he claims he’s in love with me and wants to get married to me. However he’s been asking me for money and puts me under a lot of pressure for the same. Should I help him??

Joanne
India

Dear Joanne,

I don’t think you should help him. It sound like there is something going on with this guy, either he is lying to you to get your money or he may be in some financial trouble. Whatever the case is, it is inappropriate that he even asked you for money. Point him to the nearest bank to get a loan. If I were you, I would get out of this relationship quick.

Always here,
Jasmine

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Dear Jasmine,

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 3 and a half years now. About two years ago I started to suspect that she was cheating on me or involved with some else, but wasn’t sure if I was just being insecure or I was correct. I started to ask her about it, and she always told me I was just thinking too much or being insecure.

On Valentine’s Day of 2008, I heard a strange noise and asked what it was, she said she didn’t know. After looking around for a while, I found that she had a second cell phone, which she immediately grabbed and threw out the window. I broke up with her for a while, but she constantly denied that she had done anything wrong, she just said she was talking to her old boyfriend because she was with him for 10 years prior to me and he was her best friend, so she had the second cell phone because she knew I would be jealous.

I also saw some messages on her normal cell phone from someone at school saying Kiss Kiss at the end, but she explained it as a message that one of her girlfriends copied and resent to the entire phone book for Valentine’s Day.

I later looked up her old boyfriends MSN and spoke with him, and he confirmed that she had seen him when he was visiting and he had slept with her. After this I confronted her, and she finally admitted it, but told me she didn’t think I cared about her and she made a mistake, and she realized how much she loved me and she would do anything to have another chance.

Anyway, to make a long story short after a few months, she begged me to give her another chance and I did. I told her that I wanted her to change her school schedule if we tried again because I was insecure about the message she received so she said she wouldn’t go to school anymore.

I also put some software on her phone so I could see who she was calling and texting. I know this is absolutely ridiculous and I know that it makes no sense whatsoever but when she is crying and begging, and telling me she loves me, my judgment just gets clouded and logic doesn’t prevail.

We were back together for almost a year but I never trusted her at all. She basically didn’t go anywhere without me, stopped going to school, and I monitored her phone with this crazy software I put on it but I still didn’t trust her. I always thought she was hiding stuff from me.
In fact she was hiding non important stuff from me, like she would put a girlfriends name in her phone under a different name, because she knew I didn’t like her, etc.

I am pretty confident she didn’t cheat on me again though because she really didn’t have any opportunity to (as ridiculous as that sounds). About a month ago, I broke up with her again because I know she was unhappy with me controlling everything she did. I was unhappy being with someone that I didn’t trust at all. Now she’s calling me again all the time, telling me that she loves me, she can’t live without me, and that she changed everything for me and to give her another chance.

I do love her and I do miss her but I know that neither of us have been happy for the past year. I mean sometimes we are happy, but not really happy most of the time. She feels like a prisoner I’m sure, and I feel like if I don’t check on her all the time, or constantly have an eye on her that she’ll cheat on me again.

She tells me that I should fix the way I think and that it’s in my head and to please give her another chance, and she will do anything. I’m confused and I know I shouldn’t be. Can I ever trust her again? Should I ever trust her again? She did quit school for me, etc. But can this ever turn into a healthy relationship?

Michael S.
Thailand

Dear Michael,

For the most part, it sounds like you know what the right thing is to do. The only problem is that you totally don’t trust her at all. There are people who cheat on a person and they are able to work pass it. The reason they work pass it is because they are able to rebuild the trust and truly trust the person. Meaning they let the person prove over time that they can be trustworthy. But not by monitoring them or controlling what they do. If you cannot even fathom that, then I see no reason for you to be with her.

It sounds like you don’t trust her at all, with good reason. However, the fact that you became so controlling, which you obviously know is wrong, and yet you still don’t trust her brings me to believe you will never trust her again.

The only way for it to work is if he let her be who she is and let her regain your trust. However, from what you have told me, I don’t think that you will ever get to the point of trusting her again. I think the damage has been done, and the last year of controlling her has only made you two unhappy.

I know 3 years is a long time to invest into a relationship, but honestly, think about the rest of your life, living in this doubt. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship and without it, the relationship cannot flourish.

If you cannot believe that she is capable of changing and capable of being a trusting person, then you need to walk away and not cause any more pain and misery to the both of you. I do think that you went overboard on controlling her and that is a problem that you need to work on yourself.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for 2 years and we have had our many problems, which I thought we had completely worked through. I am currently 6 months pregnant with our first child together and vicious rumors now threaten to destroy the progress we have made.

In all honesty, we have both done things we regret and broke up in the past because we couldn’t trust each other. I have doubts about what I know for sure has happened in that time we were broken up, which only lasted about 2 weeks, and he has doubts about me as well.

On the night we broke up I was already pregnant but didn’t know that I was and that was the first and last time went out drinking with friends from work. I kind of remember seeing people there I went to school with years ago, one of them now works with my partner.

He has recently told my partner that he saw me at a party at his friend’s house and that I was there ‘with’ his friend. I am so frightened that what this person is saying and that my boyfriend will think was a misdeed on my behalf that it will be the last straw. This guy that he works with now does not see that any little thing he may say may cause doubt in our relationship and we are so fragile at the moment.

I think my boyfriend thinks that I am lying and the more this guy presses the issue with him the more he will believe what he says. I am not denying that I haven’t done things that I have regret but this is not one of them and I could not handle losing him.

I have tried to talk it through but because of everything else we have been through it just seems like I am lying. I have had to trust that what my boyfriend has told me things he did or did not do but unfortunately I think it’s a lot harder for him as an unplanned pregnancy crops up at around a time where we were breaking up and getting back together, with him doubting that our baby is truly his.

There is no way he is not the father of this baby but because of everything else, I know how he will react to this stupid rumor and talking it through is not going to help. I am so scared, I cannot raise this baby without him and I just wish that I knew what to say to help him feel secure in the relationship again. Please help me.

Ash
Australia

Dear Ash,

As you have said, you cannot blame your boyfriend for his doubts and obviously rumors are not helping the situation. At this point, the only thing you can do is to talk to him and let him know where you are coming from. Let him know the entire situation and tell him how serious you are about the truth.

If he still doesn’t believe you, then this relationship will go no where. If you both cannot trust each other, your relationship will be doomed. If he continues to deny your baby, the only real way to prove him wrong is when the baby is born, you have to perform a DNA test.

You really need to focus on the well being of your unborn child. Bring up a child into a unhealthy, untrusting relationship is just setting up this child for failure. If he is the father, then he needs to take responsibility, but you cannot force him to be in a relationship with you, just because you have a child together.

Don’t put yourself in a situation where you have to constantly reassure the other person that you are telling the truth. That is not a relationship and in the end you will just end up hurting yourself, and ultimately your unborn child.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I want to know what you think about dating your boss. I am a 34-year-old professional woman and my boss is a 39-year-old man. I am really attracted to my boss and have expressed my feelings. I am a very private person and respect him as a professional.

He did admit that he was attracted to me but does not feel that we could have a relationship due to the direct report situation. We are both in a field sales position and are always traveling. Our time is very limited that we see each other as his role takes him throughout the west coast managing his sales people.

Again I want to remind you that we are both hard working adults that are attracted to each other and on my side I feel as the woman that I could separate business from pleasure, as I am very driven and serious about my job. Once work is over my personal life is my personal life and whether if I want to hold a personal relationship with my boss or anyone else it really does not have anything to do with work.

My question to you is it possible for myself and my boss to have a personal relationship outside of work? Is that considered wrong? What if we are good for each other we will never know if we try? Let me know what you think?

Sierra
San Diego, CA

Dear Sierra,

Having a professional relationship and personal relationship with the same person may be harder then it may seem. Of course, there are instances where it does work out but separating feelings in that sense could be more difficult then you think. The problem now is your boss doesn’t think he can handle a professional and personal relationship with you even though you think you can.

So even though you think you can take on the challenge of having a personal relationship with your boss and at the same time maintaining your professional relationship, your boss seems to have a different opinion. As if dating was already complicated enough, by adding the pressure of maintaining both a personal and professional relationship can take a lot of pressure. It takes two to try to work it out and if he doesn’t think it is possible and isn’t willing to try then I don’t think you both can have a personal relationship together.

Having a personal relationship with your boss may not seem wrong to you because you think you can separate your feelings but many other people, like your co-workers will see it as wrong. When they get passed up for certain things, they will think it’s because of you and your relationship with the boss. There are lots of office politics that goes on with having a relationship with your boss and it may ostracize your relationship with your other co-workers. You really should consider all the consequences before you consider a relationship with your boss and think about how it could affect your life overall in all aspects and not just your personal life but your professional relationship with him and others.

Always here,
Jasmine

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Dear Jasmine,

When my ex-husband new he had terminal cancer, he asked me if I would take care him. He did not want to go to a hospice. Our only son would not stop work to take care of his Dad so I agreed. I told my boyfriend of nine years, I was leaving town to take care of my ex-husband. I gave him the house number where I could be reached.

We called each other long distance and talked. I told him as soon as it was over I would be back. It was not romantic with my ex-husband. He was ill and angry. I made sure he followed doctor’s orders, gave his medicine, made his meals and took him to his appointments.

My boyfriend asked why did I have to do it? My answer was because he asked me to and I could not let him die alone. Three months later my ex passed away and I went home. My boyfriend and I were fine back together.

He denied meeting anyone. Six months later I noticed red flags that there is someone else. He broke up with me because he had gotten two new girlfriends. They both know about each other and neither girl will give him up. My ex-boyfriend and I live around the corner from each other and it has been hard on me

I am out of his life but I cannot help not thinking about him. Since, he broke up with me, I cannot function. I have major depression that led to the to the lost of my job. I miss him. His actions tell me he wants me to hurt and he knows that I am hurting.

Is it fair, for my ex boyfriend to hurt me? Because I took care of my ex-husband with terminal cancer? I would have never left, if I knew I was going to lose my boyfriend. He gave me no warning that he would leave me because I was going to go.

Maria R.
Phoenix, AZ

Dear Maria,

I really can see this situation from your point of view and from your ex-boyfriend’s point of view too. On the one hand, I don’t think he wanted you to go but maybe he felt that it would be selfish for him not to let you go take care of your dying ex-husband. Therefore, he didn’t tell you that he was unhappy with it because he didn’t want to come off as the bad guy who stopped his girlfriend from helping out her ex-husband, who was dying from a terminal illness. In my opinion I think it would be hard to tell someone not to go help someone who was dying or really need the help.

Of course, I think the best way to go about it would have been for him to tell you that it didn’t make him comfortable and you could have made your decision base on that. The situation is that you went and now you two are broken up. If he wanted to see other people, he should have told you before you left or even while you were there. Whatever the circumstance is, the fact of the matter is that he did cheat on you. Yes, given the situation, it is hard on you but you have to look at it from another perspective.

Don’t focus on the fact that he only cheated on you because you left to take care of your ex-husband. It doesn’t matter that you left to take care of your ex-husband, because the bottom line is he did cheat on you. If he wanted to date someone else he should have just told you at the time and not have to lie and cheat on you. It is the deception that you should focus on. This just shows you the kind of person he is and you should realize that if he is capable of doing this, he is capable of cheating on you in any given situation.

It is normal for you to miss him, but the fact that you are letting it affect your life to the point where you lost your job is a problem. I know you are hurting and you wish things could have have been different but that doesn’t change the fact that he is a cheater and a lair. A person is who they are, given any situation.

Try to think of the positive aspect of this. At least you are no longer with a person who is capable of cheating on you and can stop wasting your time on him. He is not worth ruining your life over. He doesn’t care about you and the truth is, neither do you. You shouldn’t want to change how he feels towards you because he is not worth it but you can and should change how you feel. You deserve better then him. You are a caring person and I can tell that by the fact you went and took care of your ex-husband.

Don’t waste your time thinking about your ex-boyfriend who can’t be trusted. You certainly can do better then him. A guy, who will cheat on you, regardless of the situation, is not the guy for you. You deserve someone who only wants to be with you and will always be faithful to you and your love.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

My wife and I have been together for four and half years. We have a 3-year-old daughter together, both working full time, and alternating schedules to support our family. Unfortunately I haven’t always treated her right. I am changing for the better now. And she has forgiven me for the things that I have done.

My problem is that she says she loves me but that she has no deeper feelings for me. She still wants me as a friend and she still wants to work out our marriage. She says she needs time and space but she doesn’t want me to leave and she doesn’t want to see other people. We don’t have a lot of time together and I want to rebuild our friendship. I need help.

Ian P.
Medford, OR

Dear Ian,

I think that you and your wife need some marriage counseling. I know that you two are both very busy but you two need to make an effort to work on your marriage and I think the first step is to seek some professional help to sort out your marriage. I know you two have to work a lot and need to alternate schedules to watch your daughter but perhaps for the time being if you do decide to seek professional help, that you can leave your daughter with family or friends for a few hours.

I think it is very important for you to figure out what is going on with your marriage and try to rebuild your relationship so you can provide a stable environment for your daughter to grow up in. What your daughter needs is a healthy stable family to grow up in and you two owe it to her to at least try to provide her that.

Always here,
Jasmine

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Dear Jasmine,

I caught my girlfriend of 6 years sleeping with another guy. When I confronted her about it she lied and denied it. I told her I knew and then left her. She has since never told the truth to me or anyone, and simply told them that I made it all up.

That was 3 months ago. Recently I remembered her email password and checked it. I realize that is an invasion of privacy, but I do not regret it for my own reasons such as knowing that I did not cause her to cheat on me. That is, she had been sleeping with at least 6 other guys over the duration of our relationship (she had dated 3 of them for more than 2 years).

Now I am faced with the decision of making these emails public to everyone so that people (mutual friends and her family) will know that I did not make things up. I have been told to just leave it alone, but I have walked away from this sort of thing so many times now that for once I would like to stand up for myself. What should I do?

Daniel B.
Western Australia

Dear Daniel,

Revenge would be sweet wouldn’t it? Even though it would, I don’t think it is right for you to print someone else’s private emails. I am not sure about privacy issues or whether or not she could sue you or anything but I think that in this instance you should just be happy you found out and move on with your life.

Take it as a lesson learned and be content in the fact that what comes around goes around and she will get what she deserves. As for you, you have done nothing wrong, so why start now? I know it is tempting but be the bigger person and just leave her in your past, where she belongs.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I am 20 years old and living far away from my family. I am a working girl. I am very frank, broad minded and straight forward.

I got a chance to working in United States with a rich family. I love to work in abroad but I have some doubts. The problem is that I don’t really know the person who recommended me the job that well and I am afraid as he invited me to his home.

I don’t like his way of talking but I don’t want to lose this job also. What should I do? Please suggest something to me.

Veer
Chandigarh, India

Dear Veer,

I would suggest that you don’t go anywhere with this person and definitely don’t go to the United States to work for someone unless you have proof of this job.

Also I think that the family will need to sponsor you a work visa to work for them so if that is not being done, you cannot even go to the United States legally to work.

It sounds a little bit fishy to me and I would caution you to be careful. You don’t want to travel all that way alone to the United States and be trapped by this guy to do illegal activities and jeopardize your life.

I think for your own safety, you should not go unless you have solid evidence of this job, which I am doubtful he will give you any. When you ask him and he makes up excuses, that is your sign that he is lying and that you need to get away from him.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I am a 13 year old girl and I call it love. I am in love with this boy named Jake. I think he likes me too but he won’t admit to his friends.

If I say stuff in front of people he gets mad. I have a chance with him but there is one thing stopping us: my best friend. We have been best friends for 3 years now and he is always there for me, when it comes to boy situations.

But he told me something this year that messed a lot up. He told me that he is in love with me. I don’t know what to do. I love him but I don’t think anymore then a best friend. We have been fighting a lot lately because I like Jake, which is his best friend too.

So Jake won’t date me because of him anyway. I would give my best friend a chance but there is I like his friend too much, he isn’t that good looking and I am scared to risk the friendship.

I can’t start a conversation with now without starting a fight because I say something about Jake. I also flirt with my best friend a lot but I don’t know what to do. I lost my best friend and I don’t know if Jake is even worth it anymore.

Ashley
New York, NY
USA

Dear Ashley,

First off, you need to stop flirting with your best friend. You know he is in love with you and you don’t want to be with him. Yet you flirt with him. It sounds quite like a cruel thing that you are doing to him.

Secondly, you already said that Jake will not date you because they are friends. Then why would you think he is worth it? He sounds like a stand up young man but he doesn’t want to date you and this is ruining your friendship.

Boys will come and boys will go before you finally meet the right guy. Friends are harder to come by, especially if he is a good friend. It is time for you to be a friend too. But not a friend who is leading him on by flirting.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I am 18 years old and currently finishing out my last year of high school. Recently, my friend, who I have had feelings for since the day I met him in eighth grade, asked me out. Sure this seems like a blessing, and in some ways it was, but I am utterly confused about what to do.

The thing is, I have been chasing after him for so long and we both have admitted to liking each other but it never being the right time to do anything about it, we remained friends. There were times we would go months without talking when one of us had a significant other, but we always found our ways back to each other.

Starting in December, the pressure I put upon him to finally ask me out, highly increased. His response was always the same; “I don’t want to hurt you.” and “I don’t want what we have to get ruined.” We surely have our rocky moments and we act more like a couple than normal friends should.

We get into petty fights and he gets jealous way to easily and I find ways to purposely annoy him, but that’s us. That is what we do. I wouldn’t change it. So after everything we have been through and with my growing feelings for him, why do I find it so hard to enjoy this relationship?

Why am I suddenly picking out every little thing he does and criticizing it? Why did I only tell two of my friends, only after they begged to know, and not anyone else? How come we talk less now than when we were friends?

I know we are right for each other and I know it can work. I can feel it. I honestly believe I love him. I may not be ‘in love’ with him yet, but I care about him more and more each day. I just don’t understand why I am trying to push this away.

Chelsie
Cape May, NJ
USA

Dear Chelsie,

People shouldn’t have to force and nag another person to be with them. I don’t know the whole situation with you two but I don’t really understand why you wanted to be with someone who you had to basically tell him to ask you out after so long.

In any case, I think that your relationship with him has always been having these little fights and arguments and it will probably continue. Seems that before you got with him, your problem with him was that he did not ask you out, now that he has asked you out, you continue to find problems to fight about.

I am sure some things are valid that you are picking at but it sounds more like you like to be in control of things and in particular, to control him and what he does or say.

Let him be his own person. If you have so much to criticize about him that it’s affecting your relationship, maybe its time to step back and really figure out what it is about him that you like. It can’t just be that he is a nice guy because there are plenty of nice guys out there. But you will not get along with all of them and you won’t hit it off with all of them either. Basically what I am saying is that, you need to reevaluate why you even want to be with him because why would any of you want to be in a relationship, where you are constantly criticizing the other person or if you are the person being criticized?

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I have fallen in love with my ex-girlfriend after meeting her 8 years ago. We broke up because I was too immature and didn’t realize how much she loved me. Now we made up.

She is divorced with two little kids and I am married with a small child. I am not happy in my marriage. I am madly in love with my ex-girlfriend.

Since the 8 years, I have become very successful. Dated several girls and none of them scaled up to my ex. What do I do?

Rodrigo D.
New York, NY
USA

Dear Rodrigo,

You are married with a child. This is not the time to think solely of you. Your time to be selfish is over because you now have to put the best interest of this child at heart.

I would say that this infatuation with your ex-girlfriend has consumed you for way too long and you should have never gotten married, much less have a child if you were not sure. Were you just waiting for her to be single so you guys can be together? How do you think what your actions of wanting to get back with your ex-girlfriend will have on your wife and your child? Or does none of that matter to you?

If you are having problems in your marriage and you are unhappy, then you need to speak up about it with your wife. You need to work on your marriage for the sake of your child. If you do not want to continue to be with your wife, I would suggest that you not have any more children with her because once things gets all complicated, the thing you don’t need is to screw with their life.

I know you don’t want to hear this but the best thing for your child, is for you to work hard on your marriage and have a happy home. However, if you can’t work it out, I think you should stay in the marriage and make it a good environment for your child, even if you are not happy with your wife. Then after your child grows up and leaves the home, it would be a better time for you to divorce your wife.

You made vows, for better or for worse when you got married. It would be a shame for you to not attempt to follow through with them.

Always here,
Jasmine

Dear Jasmine,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for 9 months and we are currently living together. He has been in rehab for alcoholism for the past 3 months during which he confessed he didn’t love me and has been talking to his ex-wife.

He told me he wasn’t sure what he wants. So in November, I moved back to Tennessee and he called me and told me that he wanted to be with me so I came back. I found out that on New Years Eve he still wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me.

I saw him while he was at rehab, we talked some things out but now that he is home, I am just not sure anymore. He says that he cares and that I am the first person he has met in life that genuinely cares for him

Michelle Q.
Columbia, SC
USA

Dear Michelle,

I can see why you have your doubts, since he basically treated you like a yo-yo. You have only been together for nine months and three of them were spent in rehab. Doesn’t that say something? Some girls are into the whole save the guy routine. I don’t know if you are one of these girls, but those relationships tend not to work out, or in most cases the girls stay with the guy but it’s either a physical or emotion abuse.

It sounds like this guy isn’t sure what he wants. What if he had feelings for his ex wife but she rejected him so now he came crawling back to you?

I know its great to say you help a guy out of rehab and that you changed him, but truthfully, if a guy needs that much changing and if he is unsure of his feelings for you, don’t you see the red flags?

Always here,
Jasmine