my advice now – need advice?

Dear Jasmine,

I am a 48 year old “regular guy”. I am honest, stable, fun and all
the good stuff. My wife left me and the boys, ages 12 and 20, about a year and a half ago but I’m “stuck” with an unfinished divorce. She simply won’t cooperate with the process. Neither of us wants to reconcile so it’s a done deal. She’s become the quintessential “deadbeat mom”.

So, here’s my problem, I’ve met this amazing woman and we dated for a couple months. But due to my divorce taking so long, she has broken it off between us. I know that we kind of rushed into things but we found we had so much in common and really enjoyed each other’s company.

What to do? I’ve respected her decision, but can’t help but think we really had something. I don’t want to seem “desperate” but I don’t want to lose her either.

Jim J.
Rancho Cucamonga, CA

Dear Jim,

Sounds like your wife is giving you some trouble with the divorce papers. Have you tried talking to her rationally about the situation because it makes no sense for her not to sign them if she doesn’t want to reconcile with you. I know you must be frustrated but if you want her to sign the papers, you may need to be “nice” to her and explain to her that by not signing the papers it means she doesn’t want a divorce. It will probably be hard for you to reason with her since she doesn’t seem like a responsible person, leaving you with your kids and just taking off.

In regards to your current situation, the whole divorce situation has probably frustrated your ex-girlfriend. I suggest you try to talk to your wife first and see if you can speed the process along so you can get a divorce sooner. Talk to your ex-girlfriend, let her know how much you care about her and your doing your best to get your wife to sign the divorce papers. Tell her how you feel about her and how much she means to you. I am sure she understands your situation and how difficult your wife is being with the whole divorce process.

The truth is, she is probably trying to protect herself from getting hurt because technically you are still considered a married man. It really is a tough situation for her to be in because even if she wants to be with you, she will always have that lingering on the back of her mind until you get the divorce finalized. Maybe you guys shouldn’t be so serious with one another until your divorce is finalized. If you tell her that, maybe she will calm down a bit and reconsider. But it does sound like you do care for her a lot and may not want that.

Have you consulted a divorce lawyer to see how to approach this problem? If not, I would suggest you perhaps consult with one and see what you can do and what your options are.

Always here,
Jasmine