Dear Jasmine,
We are currently buying a house. We are closing tomorrow. My mother in law knows that we are moving and instead of volunteering to help out with the kids when my husband mentioned it to her, she tells us that she has to check her schedule to see if she will be attending a Christmas party with her other son.
She only took the kids once in their lives. It’s not like we ever ask her for anything. My mother volunteered to fly here and take care of the kids, but I would never allow her to do that because she lives over 2,500 miles away. With the move, we are short on funds so getting a babysitter seems ridiculous when grandma is so close. Do you think we are being unrealistic?
Sarah
California
Dear Sarah,
Although we wish everyone we knew were more considerate, the truth is, as we know, not everyone is. Even though you may think that your mother in law should help out with your children, she may have prior obligations. And even though you think that the right thing for her to do is say she will cancel whatever obligations she had prior to help you, that is not the case here.
You mention that she never took in your children and that could be a reason she never really expected it since it rarely happens. You can’t really expect people to understand how you feel about the situation unless you talk to them about it because it seems like you and your mother in law are on two different pages.
If you want her to help watch your children, you shouldn’t expect her to drop everything and just do it, even if your mother would do the same. You may have to explain to her your family is having some hard times and it may help you out a great deal if she could do you this favor and watch your children. Even though it would seem like the right thing for any grandma to just volunteer their time, not everyone is the same or can be expected to react in the same way.
So you or your husband should just let her know what is going on and ask her to do you guys this favor to watch the children. I know you may not want to do that, but suck it up and ask for the favor so you can get your move done with more smoothly.
Always here,
Jasmine
