Dear Jasmine,
I have had issues with SI for the past year and a half. I told my parents and I was even put away for a little while. I came out and was doing really good, then I started doing it again. It’s just that cutting and burning myself has always been there for me, but the things I need most aren’t.
My mother is a drug addict and an alcoholic, I lived with her up until I was in 4th grade, that was almost 6 years ago. She has emotionally abused me, been in and out of rehab, and I couldn’t figure out why she would ever pick the drugs over my and brother. Don’t get me wrong, I know it is a strong addiction to deal with. I just don’t understand how i can make her stop. My father also is a drug addict and an alcoholic, I have seen him beat his girlfriends and other people.
He never laid a hand on me, although my mother hit me a few times, along with my brother as well. Anyway, I just want to find another way to cope with my problems. How can I stop hurting myself and what is a way I can help my mom? Rehab just doesn’t seem to work. Help.
Thanks,
Bec
Philadelphia
Dear Bec,
It sounds like drug addiction has been a pattern in your family. I commend you for trying to get the help you need and your compassion for trying to help your mother. Often times, it will take a long time for people to recover because they have been addicted for so long. In order for you to start helping others, such as your mom, you need to help yourself.
When you say cutting has always been there for you. I don’t think that is true because cutting is there only because you allow it and you do it. If you did not cut yourself, then it wouldn’t be there for you. You are choosing to cut yourself to relieve yourself of the pain, instead of choosing to relieve it another way.
Yes, I know, easier said then done. But the first thing you really have to think about is, how you can help yourself. Cutting yourself, you already know is not helping you. The problem is not that you don’t know. You’re a smart girl. You know cutting is not really helping you, but you do it because you think that it is your only way to relieve yourself. Now what you have to do is realize that there are other ways for you to deal with things happening in your life.
One way for you to deal with a lot of what your going through, would be to write it down. Start a journal and start writing down how your feeling and use it as an outlet for you to express yourself. Right now you are expressing yourself by cutting. Instead of cutting yourself, write down your feelings, talk to a friend, or write to me. Any other way of expressing yourself that doesn’t require hurting yourself will slowly help you find an outlet for your anger.
Yes, your life is hard on you now. There is a lot going on with your family that you wish you could just fix in one day. But the reality is, it won’t happen over night and it may take a long time before you see some results. You can’t let that discourage you though because if you do, then you will never get to see what good may happen. Give yourself the chance to overcome hurting yourself before you can even attempt to help your family.
Love yourself, love your brother and hopefully your love can be strong enough to overcome hurting yourself and getting your family the help it needs to get back on track. It won’t be easy, but take these little steps and allow yourself time. Be patient and don’t expect a miracle over night. But don’t prevent yourself from never being able to experience the happiness you can find once you free yourself from hurting yourself.
Always here,
Jasmine
