Dear Jasmine,
I have a very serious problem with my younger sister, for whom I care so much. At the young age of 18 she has been through so much. I don’t even know were to begin. I’ll start with the most current conflict. She is in a destructive relationship with a boyfriend. She’s known him less than a year, but she is extremely addicted to this relationship.
She ran away to live with him. He uses drugs and gets aggressive when he’s under the influence. He has hit her in the past. Now she is 3 months pregnant with his child. They have no stable home, they have been all over California and Nevada staying with relatives from his side. He’s had several jobs and cant seem to hold down a job because of his temper.
He is 26 and has had two previous relationships that resulted in 2 other kids. According to her he is “changing†and she’s also afraid if she leaves him he might commit suicide. But aside from that she loves him and believes things will get better.
What my question is, how do I convince my sister to realize how harmful this relationship is to her and the child she’s expecting. In the past she has also done drugs and was in another abusive relationship. She’s taken her life for granted so many times. I don’t understand why. We don’t come from an abusive home, myself and my 2 other brothers have managed to form healthy and productive lives.
She knows she has the family’s support and all her friends support. Yet she insists on putting herself in danger. At times she wants to come home and has mentioned she wants to turn her life around, but something is always stopping her. And I know he making false promises to her.
I’m so scared for her life, and the life of that child she’s expecting. She hasn’t been going to see a doctor on a regular basis. It is also hard to talk with her because he is always there listening to her phone conversations and she has to ask him for permission to come and see our family.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter any advice you give me I will take very seriously.
Salina N.
Burbank, CA
Dear Salina,
I can see what has made you so concern with your sister. She sounds like she has been ruining her life by being with this guy. What makes the situation even worse now is that she is expecting a baby because she will also be harming the baby if she continues to be in this relationship. He sounds like he is very controlling and she has basically been under his command since they have been together.
Whether or not he is changing, your sister needs to get the heck out of that relationship. If he is changing, then maybe she can get back with him after he has changed but for the time being she needs to be in a nurturing and stable environment for the sake of her soon to be newborn. What I recommend you doing is have someone from your family plan a trip out to where she lives. Take her out and talk to her.
Someone needs to let her know how serious this is. She needs to be going to the doctor and taking care of this baby. She cannot be neglecting herself at this time because she is not only neglecting herself but her baby as well. Appeal to her as a mother and her responsibility to this child. This child deserves to be born healthy and get the proper care that he/she needs and hopefully grow up to lead a healthy productive life.
If anything try to get her to stay with one of your family members during the time of pregnancy. Hopefully she will understand the importance of maintaining her health and not having to move from house to house while she is pregnant. Don’t make it seem as if you are trying to break up the relationship because that may be too hard for her right now but make it seem as if you guys are very concern about the baby. Perhaps you guys could tell her to just stay with you until the baby is born.
In the meantime you guys could talk to her and point out the fact that this baby needs to grow up in a stable household, one that doesn’t get her child involved with abuse. She needs to grow up and realize she is going to be a mother and it most certainly will not be easy. Having him around will just be an extra distraction for her to neglect her child. He needs to get his act together before he can be a father to this child.
Suggest the idea that he gets his act together while she lives with you guys and hopefully by the time the baby is born, he will have gotten better. In this instance she will get the time to be with your family and taking care of her in the process. Hopefully she will start to realize what a big mistake being with her boyfriend will be for the child. Perhaps your family could get her into counseling while she is back to help her deal with her issues. She is probably suffering from low self-esteem and probably other disorders as well so it may be a good idea to get her checked out
Always here,
Jasmine
