Dear Jasmine,
I wrote you about 5 months ago about this amazing woman. I’m a 48-year-old divorced dad (my 13 year old son lives with me). Last year I met this beautiful, fit, intelligent lady realtor. We dated for 2 months and we hit it off extremely well. Then, unexplainably, she didn’t want to see me again.
I was heartbroken. She cited several things as reasons, but ultimately none of them made any sense. She had been divorced for about 3 years and seemed to fear being controlled again, which was her reason for being divorced. Now, while I’m not perfect, I am a pretty good guy.
Here’s the problem. I just can’t seem to forget about her. Last time I heard from her she said she didn’t want me to contact her anymore so I haven’t. But I still think about her every single day! It still hurts and I often wonder if someday we might run into each other again and feel that spark.
I know I need to move on and I am, but is it normal to pine for someone this long after such a short romance? Would it be foolish of me to send her a note? I’m afraid I’ll always think of her as “the one that got awayâ€.
Jim
Rancho Cucamonga, CA
Dear Jim,
Even though you felt that spark with her, and she may have felt that spark at some point, she no longer feels it. You have to respect that she doesn’t want to date you and need to accept it. The problem is that you haven’t accepted the fact that she wanted to move on and probably has moved on. Getting over someone takes time, but when you are holding on to the hope of getting back with her, it will just take that much longer.
She is not the one that got away. The one does not get away. If you find the right person, that person will not get away from you. That is what you have to realize. The reason she got away was because you are not the right one for her and she is not the right one for you. A few months of dating cannot determine that she is the one for you. Many people take years to get to know one another and learn to co exist with one another.
Just because someone appears to have all these great qualities within the few months you dated, doesn’t mean she is the one for you. You need to truly accept that is it over or you will have a heck of a time getting over her. You are just holding yourself back from meeting the right women for you because you are carrying a torch for this woman who wants nothing to do with you.
Give yourself a chance and come to grips with the fact that the relationship you once had with her is over and don’t hold on to hope that something may happen between you two one day. Focus on yourself and finding someone who wants to be with you. Don’t pine away for someone who wants nothing to do with you. When you meet that right person, you will kick yourself for wasting so much time thinking about this woman.
Always here,
Jasmine
