Dear Jasmine,
Where do I begin? I met this guy that I thought was wonderful, and his wife had just passed away the year before. I just wanted to be a friend to him. He has a son that is the same age as my son and I felt sorry for the child.
We have been dating for 5 years now and at first he said that he didn’t need a wife, and as time has went by we have become closer to each other and I love his son. I am not trying to be his mother and by the way we do not live together.
During Christmas of 2005 he ask me if I loved him and of course I told him the truth, which was that I did love him. He questioned why I never told me before and I told him that I didn’t think that he wanted to hear that from me. Up until January everything was going fine and somewhere between January and February.
I found out that he has been spending a lot of time with this woman that he works with and even bought her a valentine gift. I even called her and she told me all the gifts that he has been giving her and that he was at her house 2 weekends in a row. He has also been seeing me those weekends. I asked her what was going on between them and she told me to ask him again what he was doing at her house
When I ask him about these things, he told me some of the things she was lying about, and he would not admit to nothing. Then he told me that because I had questioned him, it had drove a wedge between us (that was in 2004) and he reminded me of that again and told me that he told me he was going to find some one else, but he never told me that until that day.
Now it has been 3 weeks since I have talked to him and he know that before all this happen that I loved hearing his voice it made my day. Is this just part of his grieving process after his wife died or was I just some one to be there for him when he needed someone and now he is moving on. His son is really upset with him right now because he told him never to talk to me again. Please help me understand why my heart is breaking and I don’t know how to end the pain.
Darcy
Charleston, WV
Dear Darcy,
Time is the key to healing your pain. Of course you feel pain, you put in so much of your time and effort into this relationship with this man and his son. Even though this guy has ended being this jerk that has been lying to you about this other women, you can’t help but miss him and your relationship with him. That is understandable right now but I think given time you will slowly get over it. It will take you some time but you will realize that he isn’t the kind of guy for you because he couldn’t even be honest with you after everything you have done for him.
I know the pain will be there for a while and I know you will miss him but stay strong and remember that you deserve to be with someone better then him. Don’t let him continue to use and abuse you. You were there for him during the hard time in his life and he just disregards you for this other women he met. Just be glad you didn’t marry this guy and find out he is cheating on you. You need to focus on yourself and your son.
Even though it hurts right now, just know you are better off now because you are no longer being lied to. You need to try your best to focus on a brighter future with someone who will love you and not lie to you as this man has. Concentrate on your son’s future as well; don’t let this hinder you from realizing all the great things in your life. In fact, given time, I am sure you will kick yourself for even wasting your time grieving over this guy.
Always here,
Jasmine
