Dear Jasmine,
I was in a relationship with a guy is 6 years younger then me. We have two children together. When I was pregnant with my second child I had suspicions that he was cheating on me. I had girls calling, paging him and I even found lipstick on his shirts and a hickey on his neck. He always had excuses for everything.
Then about 1 and a half year after I had my second child, I met this girl and we started going out to clubs. That’s when I started meeting other guys and at that point decided to cheat too. After years of this going on I was just tired of the fighting and mental abuse. I moved up with my mom and started to attend college.
I met another guy there and feelings started to arise. One night
I found my fiancé with a girl and that just gave me the edge that I needed to say goodbye. I left him there and at that point I felt a big lift off of me I was very hurt but at the same time at ease. I thought that was it but he then was stalking me.This went on for a very long time. What it comes down to is he finally met someone and I was with the guy I meet at school. We had a child. Six and a 1/2 yrs went by and I thought everything was good we were friends and I even kind of got along with his new fiancé. But after another 2-3 yrs past he was hitting on me again trying to get with me.
I started having feelings again for him and at that point we decided to see if we could make things work. Well we have been trying for almost 2 years now. I finally told him that I did cheat cause I thought that he was but of course he still says no and that he was set up and so on and so on.
I told him that I don’t want to know anything about what he did in the past and I don’t want to talk about mine either, let’s just make a new start and live our lives together and get married and be a happy family. But it seems that he can’t get over the past and move on together. He says he loves me but it is like he is always wondering what I am going to do next. I don’t know what to do, do I wait around or do I just say this isn’t going to work lets just be here for the kids.
Please help me find an answer or find myself.
Veronica B.
Death Valley, CA
Dear Veronica,
The first mistake you got was getting back with your ex boyfriend. You two have a history together that is frankly not very good. With all the cheating and so forth, it is hard to imagine how you two could ever work it out together. I think the biggest mistake was when you said to forget your past and just be together and get married.
That sounds like something from a fantasyland and not reality. Reality is you two have too many problems; you can’t just ignore your problems and assume you guys can be a happy family together. It just does not work out that way. The past and how you two have been towards one another is important and I think you only want to ignore it because you don’t want to admit to yourself that it is really over.
I know you two have gone through a lot, but you have to know when to call it quits, and I think right now is a pretty good time to do so. Save yourself the drama and leave this guy once and for all. Stay in touch and be civil for the kids but don’t pursue a relationship with him anymore. It is unhealthy for the both of you, as well as your children.
Always here,
Jasmine
