Dear Jasmine,
I fell instantly in love with a man, I was not searching, it just happened. I was married and it took us 4 years to get together. After 8 months, I found out he was married and was living with a girlfriend. He just denied it to me. I told him I was married from the beginning. Well, we started to live together after 4 years and the first year was rough.
We developed a connection of knowing each other’s thoughts, before we even said anything. He was a moody man and he told me that no one wakes up happy everyday, but I did. He was difficult to live with, jealous, of what I do not know but I loved him so much. Sometimes his mood would change so quickly and that really bothered me. I think that he had issues from previous relationships and it had resurfaced.
One time he accused me of taking his wallet but I insisted that I didn’t. Later he found the wallet and when I asked him about it he told me that he found it where I put it. I got really upset because he said this in front of my son. I guess I finally had it and I put all his things in his car and told him to apologize or leave and he left. He went to his home state and 3 weeks later he was living and loving his first cousin.
I am ashamed to say I know this because I knew his email. I read the emails from his cousin and they were having an affair with each other. I know he loves me but maybe his fear of being alone or not being able to want to go through the healing period but I don’t know if I can handle him being with his first cousin. I love him and I miss him, I have no interest in dating, or loving someone else.
I cry and hurt so much, to this day he has never contacted me. Another time when we separated for 2 weeks he was working closely with this co-worker, taking her picture, and to lunch, everyone told me, and he was treating and doing all the things he did with me with her. He brought her to the apartment, I knew her and she knew we were together but came over anyway, at night. My question is why do I hurt so, and why the cousin, and where is this man’s morals and feeling’s? Our intimacy was always good. I know he thinks of me I feel him, and once in while he does hang ups on the phone I know that is him. Please what advice can you give me? Thank you
Roise P.
Los Angeles, CA
Dear Roise,
I know that it may be hard for you to hear but it is a good thing that his man is out of your life. Relationships are never perfect and it takes love, honestly and communication to work through problems in any relationship. However, from the sounds of it, your ex boyfriend has a lot more issues then you even knew. I know it is hard for you to accept but he has left you and probably for the better. He has chosen to be with his cousin, which I do not want to judge but I do not agree with. Some may agree with but I do not think that is right.
It sounds like we agree on that and if so then you need to realize, do you really want to be with a man after he has chose to be with his cousin? Don’t you think you deserve better then that? I know you loved him and you believed that he once loved you but don’t you want to be with a person who shares the same type of values as you do? This does not sound like the type of person you should be with and that may be hard for you to hear given the history you had with him but you need to be strong and do what is right for you.
Getting over any relationship is hard, I am sure you know that and it may seem as if you will never get over it but give it a chance. Don’t settle for a guy who has made the choice to be with his own cousin. You are beyond that, you deserve someone who loves only you and shares the same type of morals and beliefs as you. Don’t continue to torture yourself with the thought that you will get back with this guy one day and do yourself of the favor of starting the healing process.
Let go of him from your mind and heart. It will take time but in the long run I think it will do you a world of good. Think of your kids and of course think of yourself. Is this the type of man you want your kids to be around and learn from? Protect yourself and protect your kids. Strive to move on and that will bring you one step closer to finding someone who is actually right for you.
Always here,
Jasmine
