Dear Jasmine,
I was wondering if you can help me with advice with my older sister. She is nearly 35 years old and the past 3 relationships she has had have been with lowlife males who sponge off her. I believe that this makes her feel needed and wanted, however after several months or years, she then starts to resent them.
Although she wont admit it but then the arguments start (normally alcohol fueled) and I end up being called (at what ever time) to come and rescue her as it normally ends with a physical arguments (she tends to be the first one to get feisty!)
She has taken a real strain on my own relationship, as my boyfriend of 14 years treats her like a sister and will stick up and support her; and as a result caused him problems with her ex boyfriends. However he will not have her in the house or speak with her again if he finds out she is back with her ex!
I found out today that my sister is back with her ex (who only 31/2 months ago nearly strangled her and beat her black and blue). She has told me she loves him but I do not believe she does as I have seen her when she has been in love and she does not behave in this manner.
I am worried and fed up with her and I do not know what to do next to help her see sense and live her life for herself for a change. Any advice would be great.
Thanks in advance.
Rebecca S.
United Kingdom
Dear Rebecca,
It sounds like your sister has a dependency on this type of relationship where she feels needed but yet she resents them afterwards but has fallen too deep in the relationship. What your sister seems to have self esteem issues and feels reassured when she is needed and that has become a huge problem for her.
Perhaps you can help get her into anger management as well because it seems as if needs to learn to control her temper and not resort to any sort of physical violence. Perhaps that is why she is willing to go back to someone who has physically abused her. Get her some counseling and hopefully the counselor can get to the root of the problem and also get her into some of those programs that she needs to get her life back on track.
As for your boyfriend’s involvement, I know because you are her sister you want to help but there is a limit to how involved in her life you should be. Try getting her the help but there is no need to get so involved in it that it is starting to affect your life so drastically.
Always here,
Jasmine
