Dear Jasmine,
My fiancé slept with her ex-husband and I don’t know if I can or should get over it. We met three years ago when she got hired at my place of business. Her husband was an acquaintance of mine, because he worked with me too. She was openly unhappy with her marriage, taking every opportunity to tell her friends about her husband’s shortcomings.
Eventually, she separated from her husband, moved in with me and got divorced. Her ex-husband began stalking her and exhibited suicidal tendencies. She attempted to maintain a civil relationship, mostly because they had two children together, but also because she was worried he would actually kill himself.
Soon after their divorce, they sold their house and separated their belongings. She became emotional about her failed marriage. This resulted in them sleeping together, even though she had already moved in with me.
I knew about none of these encounters until several months later when her ex-husband told me about it. She initially lied, telling me that it only happened once on the day they separated their property.
I broke up with her upon discovering that they had slept together. She begged for my forgiveness, and I eventually took her back. Our relationship seemed to grow stronger over the next several weeks, but I can’t seem to get over the mental images of them being together behind my back.
I love her but I don’t know if I can trust her again, even though she takes every opportunity to show me how much she loves me and wants to be my wife. Should I leave her and cut my losses, or should I give it a chance?
Jerry
Jacksonville, FL
Dear Jerry,
I think that you have to look deep within yourself to figure out what to do. The question to ask yourself is if you can trust her again and if she can be trusted. If you forgive her, that is one thing, but if you cannot forget, then it is probably best for you to cut your losses and move on.
You got involved with her during a time where she was probably very vulnerable since she was in the mist of getting a divorce so getting with her during this time was probably not the best idea. However, the relationship seems to have escalated into something serious and now you have to figure out for yourself what is best for you.
Don’t stay in the relationship if you cannot trust her because without trust, there is no relationship and it will only cause you more heartache at the end. Really think this one through because although you may still care for her, not trusting her will only result in more pain for you if you do decide to stay with her.
Always here,
Jasm
