Dear Jasmine,
I just moved to a new state and started dating a great guy 2 weeks ago. On the second date he asked me how many sexual partners I’ve had and I told him that I was raped 4 years ago and he is the only one I have been with.
This is true except I did not tell him that weeks after the rape occurred, I continued to see him and had sex with him several times. I know it sounds bizarre, but I was very young and this man was my teacher and I was infatuated with him and believed I loved him regardless of what he had done to me. I soon realized I had to get out of this situation and ended the relationship quickly and got counseling.
I don’t want to tell this guy I am seeing any of this because I know it will scare him away. He thinks it was only that one time when the rape occurred. What should I do now? I don’t want him to find out the truth. I eventually would have told him this whole story if we were to be in a relationship but he caught me off guard when he asked me.
Also, I can tell now that this will not be my future husband or boyfriend just because it is clear that we are not compatible in that way. I do still want to hang out with him though and the guilt is weighing on my mind. He has not told me one thing about his past except that he has been with a few women and I won’t be asking either.
Thank you,
CJ
Louisiana
Dear CJ,
I see no reason why you have to tell this guy after just 2 dates and especially when you don’t really see a future with him. I think being raped and the information pertaining to it should only be shared with someone you truly trusted and had a future with and not just some random guy you happen to date.
If this somehow develops into a serious relationship then you may want to tell him then but for now, I see no reason for you to do so. This kind of information is sensitive to you and not everyone needs to know about it.
Always here,
Jasmine
