Dear Jasmine,
I am living with the most amazing man who I love very much. Before him I spent twelve years with a man that cheated on me constantly and I never could trust. Shortly after I finally made the break I met my current boyfriend who was going through a very amicable divorce.
Because I have huge trust issues, I cannot seem to trust my boyfriend even though he had never done anything to make me believe that there was a reason not to. Being a very suspicious person now, I looked at the history of his web browser and found that he has been looking, often, at dominatrix porn.
While although I do not support the porn industry at all, I do understand men look. My problem is the type of porn. I am a good girl and could never, or would ever be into any type of submissive sex. Now I have all kinds of fears about who he really is and whether or not he would seek out this type of sex that he apparently has a very strong interest in and I would never be able to participate in.
My other problem is he doesn’t know I know and he would be very embarrassed if I told him I knew, and probably upset that I don’t trust him. What should I do? I can’t talk to my friends about this because I don’t want them to look at him any different.
He really is very good to me but I just can’t seem to get this out of my mind and it is changing the way I think about him and react to his touch. Is it really harmless or should I be worried?
Shannon
Seattle, WA
Dear Shannon,
I think if he looks at these sites then he probably has a strong interest in them and if he is hiding this from you, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to get it some other way.
I think that if you can accept this behavior then you can accept this relationship but if you can’t then I would think that you should get out of this relationship before it gets any more serious because it sounds like he may have an addiction to it.
Always here,
Jasmine
