Dear Jasmine,
My best friend of 20 years has pretty much dumped me. It all started when she began dating a friend of my husband and I. She spent every waking moment with him. Then I heard that he was still married to his wife and trying to patch things up (while living with my friend). I emailed him and asked him that if he was planning to go back to his wife and fix his marriage great, but please be upfront with my friend since she had been jerked around by her ex-husband and I didn’t want her to have to go through that again.
Later on I got a call from her stating she needed to step away from our friendship and so I gave her plenty of space reassuring her from time to time that I loved her and would wait. In the mean time I heard many accounts of people seeing her boyfriend and his (ex) wife together and most times stating that they had never been divorced.
I defended my friend and him constantly. She slowly talked to me less and less, I talked with her sister about the situation out of desperation; but got nowhere. I emailed her one last time months ago, stating that I missed her and needed her in my life, practically begging her to sit down and talk with me face to face (as our contact had only been via email for the past year and a half).
I told her that I was disappointed that she had missed out on my son’s birth and saddened that she had never seen him. Mad that she was unwilling to accept any of my phone calls and worried about her deeply. She replied that she didn’t know where this was coming from and she didn’t understand why I tried to ruin all of her relationships, that she and her boyfriend had a very open relationship and that she was very happy.
I simply said that I want to get together and I heard nothing back. Since then, I have heard that he moved to another town and I have seen pictures of him and his (ex)wife with their new baby. I want to email her one last time and tell her how badly she has hurt me and let her know that I am aware that she’s been lying to me or that he has been lying to her! I would love to just not think about her anymore but we have all the same friends so I can’t escape it. I think I need some closure or something! What do I do?
Jessica B.
Fort Wayne, IN, USA
Dear Jessica,
I think you are trying to fight for a lost cause. It is time for you to let this friendship go because I think you have done everything and she has shown clearly that she doesn’t want to be involved in your life. Do you understand that a friendship is a two way street? It is time for you to move on from this and let it go.
She obviously knows what is going on, yet she wants to stay in the relationship. You have tried to help her, yet she has refused and has shunned you from her life. You have a life too. Stop focusing on her life and focus on yours.
She has already proven to not be a good friend, why keep toxic people like that in your life? Stop worrying about her and her situation, she has chosen this life for herself and there is not much you can do about it.
Friends come and go. Some friends are meant to be your friend forever and some just aren’t. I think it is time for you to accept that she is not your friend any longer and close the door to this dramatic chapter in your life and focus on the positive things in your life.
Always here,
Jasmine
