Dear Jasmine,
My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for 2 years and we have had our many problems, which I thought we had completely worked through. I am currently 6 months pregnant with our first child together and vicious rumors now threaten to destroy the progress we have made.
In all honesty, we have both done things we regret and broke up in the past because we couldn’t trust each other. I have doubts about what I know for sure has happened in that time we were broken up, which only lasted about 2 weeks, and he has doubts about me as well.
On the night we broke up I was already pregnant but didn’t know that I was and that was the first and last time went out drinking with friends from work. I kind of remember seeing people there I went to school with years ago, one of them now works with my partner.
He has recently told my partner that he saw me at a party at his friend’s house and that I was there ‘with’ his friend. I am so frightened that what this person is saying and that my boyfriend will think was a misdeed on my behalf that it will be the last straw. This guy that he works with now does not see that any little thing he may say may cause doubt in our relationship and we are so fragile at the moment.
I think my boyfriend thinks that I am lying and the more this guy presses the issue with him the more he will believe what he says. I am not denying that I haven’t done things that I have regret but this is not one of them and I could not handle losing him.
I have tried to talk it through but because of everything else we have been through it just seems like I am lying. I have had to trust that what my boyfriend has told me things he did or did not do but unfortunately I think it’s a lot harder for him as an unplanned pregnancy crops up at around a time where we were breaking up and getting back together, with him doubting that our baby is truly his.
There is no way he is not the father of this baby but because of everything else, I know how he will react to this stupid rumor and talking it through is not going to help. I am so scared, I cannot raise this baby without him and I just wish that I knew what to say to help him feel secure in the relationship again. Please help me.
Ash
Australia
Dear Ash,
As you have said, you cannot blame your boyfriend for his doubts and obviously rumors are not helping the situation. At this point, the only thing you can do is to talk to him and let him know where you are coming from. Let him know the entire situation and tell him how serious you are about the truth.
If he still doesn’t believe you, then this relationship will go no where. If you both cannot trust each other, your relationship will be doomed. If he continues to deny your baby, the only real way to prove him wrong is when the baby is born, you have to perform a DNA test.
You really need to focus on the well being of your unborn child. Bring up a child into a unhealthy, untrusting relationship is just setting up this child for failure. If he is the father, then he needs to take responsibility, but you cannot force him to be in a relationship with you, just because you have a child together.
Don’t put yourself in a situation where you have to constantly reassure the other person that you are telling the truth. That is not a relationship and in the end you will just end up hurting yourself, and ultimately your unborn child.
Always here,
Jasmine
