Dear Jasmine,
I have been with my fiance for 5 years and we have a son together who is 4. We have been living together for 4 years since our son was born. When we first got together 5 years ago I had just gotten out of my first real relationship and started dating my current fiance and I was still indecisive about what I wanted to do. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in the relationship or not.
I was confused at the time and ended up kissing some other guy, which my fiance found out and wasn’t very happy about it. It really hurt him after finding out that I was pregnant and then I came to a conclusion that he was the guy wanted to be with.
We talked about it and I let him know that I was just confused and that it was a stupid thing to do. However, till this day I have been nothing but faithful to my fiance but for some reason he is still having trust issues with me. He still doesn’t trust me! He will go into my email and read my mail. He goes in there and checks up on me to see if I am doing anything wrong!
I feel like he is being my father. He even admits to being insecure! I don’t know what to do to make him trust me it has already been 5 years, how much longer will it take?
Roselyn
Tracy, CA
Dear Roselyn,
If you do not have trust in a relationship, how can you truly have a relationship? You made a mistake 5 years ago and have been faithful since and if he can’t trust you after all this time, I wonder when and if he ever will. He has to learn to forget and forgive and it sounds like he is not able to do that.
He is invading your privacy by going through your emails. Being insecure is not excuse to going through someoneâ’s personal emails and what not. You need to set boundaries and not allow anyone to invade your privacy like that.
Trust is the most important thing in the relationship because if you don’t trust each other, how can you be together and rely on one another? Your fiance needs to understand that you love him and only want to be with him.
You guys need to have a heart to heart talk and try your best to settle this issue because having no trust in one other in not a relationship. The distrust is surely creating a space between you guys so you guys need to work on repairing the damage. You both need to try to accept rebuilding the trust in your relationship because a lack of it will only drive you both further apart from each other.
Let him know how much you love him and your family. He needs to work on his insecurities. It is not enough to admit he is insecure, he needs to try to understand that what happened so many years ago is not as important as what has happened in the last 5 years. Which is you guys building a family together and loving each other.
If he cannot move pass this, then it is time for you to move on. Staying in a relationship with no trust is a recipe for disaster.
Always here,
Jasmine
