Dear Jasmine,
I recently found out that my friend, Ana, is anorexic and has been for at least 3 years. First of all, I feel awful that I didn’t notice it soon enough. But now that I know I want to help her. Some of my friends and I found her secret online journal and we confronted her “in a caring and concerned way†about it. Two of my friends who were once anorexic themselves, talked to her about it as well.
There was eventually a meeting with the school counselor, in which my Ana friend had to eat lunch with the counselor and her dad was called and told. She closed down her online journal and we all thought that she was doing better. But then she accidentally commented on my online journal using her new private username.
I found her new online journal and it said that she doesn’t want to get better, and that she didn’t like that we came to her. My one friend made a promise (and incredibly dumb one in my opinion) to not do anything if my Ana friend needed more involvement. Right now there are three girls, including myself, who knows that she is not getting better and has no intention of doing that.
Another friend of mine said that she needed to just work it out on her own, but I just don’t know. The other day on her private online journal, she said that she burned herself, purposly. I saw the burn mark on the underside of her forearm. I didn’t say anything.
My question is, what should we do? I’m afraid that by telling her about that we found her new online journal, that she will shut it down and then we will have no way to see how she is doing. I know that she will say that the burn mark is from the popcorn maker at the movie theatre she works at. I cannot think of any adults that she or I trust enough to tell.
I know that her parents know that it is an issue (her mom makes her eat breakfast if she wants to drive to school). But I just don’t know what to do.
MS
Georgia
Dear MS,
It is very important that you get your friend the help she needs because it sounds like she is putting on a show for everyone that she is getting better but she is not. Perhaps you need to talk to her counselor again, but you do not need to tell them about her new online journal. Just tell them that you found out that she isn’t doing what she said she is doing and that she doesn’t want to get better.
Her parents should be notified again because they need to be watching what your friend is doing, or she may just starve herself to death. I know its hard to help someone, especially when they have no desire to be helped, but I think you are doing a really good job at trying to help her. You are a good friend and it shows in what you have done to try to help your friend. The most important thing right now is to make the adults around her realize that she still needs help. She may even need to start going to support groups for this and you may bring this up when you talk to her counselor again.
Your friend is walking down a very dangerous path by not eating properly. The best thing you can do for her is be there for her right now and don’t let her feel as if you are attacking her. Talk to her counselor and parents so they can be more aware of the situation and how serious it has become so they can also be thinking of other alternatives to approach your friend with her problem.
Always here,
Jasmine
