Dear Jasmine,
My Husband is a wonderful guy with a great heart and he is unable to see how his mother manipulative because she is really good at it. We purchased a house together 4 years ago and I live with my husband and his family. The deal when we bought the house was that my husband and I would pay half the mortgage and his mom and dad and brother would pay the other half.
We have been keeping up our end of the deal but since the purchase, his mother lost her job and although her husband and son work she has started asking my husband for money because she now knows that we are no longer making a car payment saying they don’t have enough. I know they have enough but she feels that he does nothing for her and I am not sure how much more we can do we are carrying our half of the load.
How do I get my husband to realize this that he is doing enough and that they need to assume responsibility for their end soon. My brother-in-law’s wife will be arriving soon and I don’t know if my husband will be giving them even more money.
I feel like they r using him and he doesn’t see it and it hurts me. We have been married for 7 years and they have never given him so much as a birthday card and he thinks so much for them. Please help me, I don’t want to fight and I just want to help him see what is happening.
Rai
Ontario, Canada
Dear Rai,
It sounds like your husband’s family may be taking advantage of his kindness. My question is, if your husband is giving his family money and it is putting you two in financial trouble, its something serious you two should be discussing. It is always good to help out your family but when you can barely support yourself, you should help yourself before you can get up and start helping others.
I realize you are frustrated with your husband because he is unwilling to see that his family probably doesn’t need the money as much as they say they do. However, if the monetary issue is not affecting your household, I think if your husband wants to contribute a little to his family, it should be okay, After all they are his family and I don’t think you want someone to turn his back behind his family when they ask for help. The only problem is how much help he is providing and if it is affecting your household finances.
If after all these considerations, you still believe that your husband should not contribute one penny to his family, you should sit him down and tell him, which it sounds like you have. If your husband still wants to help out his family, despite the fact you think they are taking advantage of him, and its not affecting your home life then you should ask yourself if you can respect how he feels about the situation.
I use the word respect what he feels about the situation because after he has heard your side of the story and he still doesn’t think that his family is taking advantage of him, or that he still wants to help out his family, you both need to come to a compromise about the situation. Don’t be upset at your husband because he wants to help out his family but try to come to an agreement that will make the both of you happy.
Always here,
Jasmine
