Dear Jasmine,
I have just found out that my mother-in-law is an alcoholic. She has always been moody the 6 years I have known her and she has often treated me poorly in front of family and friends. I have always been respectful and silent about my feelings toward her, as she has been good to us in regards to looking after our children whenever we have needed her.
However I am now fueled with anger knowing this what I call dirty secret. She is well respected within her local church and always comes across as having it all together and constantly nags us to get back to church! I feel she is a complete hypocrite as she runs scripture classes and is on the church prayer chain! I understand the family pressures she is under, however how could she put my children at such risk?
I am so angry and feel betrayed. My husband and I agree that we no longer trust her with our children but how do we tell our almost three year old she can no longer have sleepovers at her grandma’s house? Please help.
Joanna
Australia
Dear Joanna,
Your mother in law has masked her addiction fairly well all these years from your family. I think it is important for your family to help her get through this addiction. I am glad to hear you are no longer letting your daughter in her supervisor as a precaution right now. You should just inform your daughter that her grandma has some things to take care of and as soon as she is done she will be able to sleep over there again.
In the meantime, I would suggest getting together with your husband and his siblings and perhaps talk about taking some steps to help their mother kick her addiction to drinking. Normally I would suggest approaching the person who has the problem, but somehow I doubt she will respond very well, since she has been taking such measures to keeping it a secret from your family for such a long time. Try to be patient, as these things will take time to resolve.
Try getting her into a program and see if that will help her stop drinking so excessively. Perhaps she is going through some things that she has a hard time dealing with and may need to talk to a psychiatrist. Talk things over with family and see exactly what you all can do help her. Since she cannot fight this alone, hopefully her family could stand behind her and support her through this.
Always here,
Jasmine
