Dear Jasmine,
I have been married for 9 years, and last year my husband left me. He has come back since and I am trying to make things right. I am a newly diagnosed ADD/Inattentive, and have been a terrible wife, non-communicative, non-organized, not a good mom, and no attention given to my husband.
He is ready to leave again, one of our biggest issues is how to communicate and that I don’t know how. He is right, I get nervous and I stumble so things I say doesn’t come out right. I don’t say my feelings in a way that isn’t retarded sounding or make sense or in an adult way.
How can I learn to communicate better? So that I can talk to him about daily issues as well as important ones? I make bad decisions because I don’t think things through. I know that this is a part of my ADD, but he will say you could’ve done or said this and it sounds so easy and I think why didn’t I think of that, so what can I do to make my brain work better or at the least talk to my husband the way millions of wives do?
Chris
Colorado
Dear Chris,
I think your husband has a lack of compassion. He sounds like he needs to be a little more understanding and help you through your problems. Instead of criticizing you, he should be trying to help you with your problem. Instead of helping you, he abandons you. He doesn’t sound like the kind of person who will be there for you during your tough times where you need him the most.
If you are dealing with your disorder, you should be talking to your doctor and finding more ways for you to fight this. If your husband cannot be a positive influence on you to help you through this, I don’t think him leaving is such a bad thing. Don’t let him belittle you and make you feel bad. After you talk to your doctor, you should sit down with your husband and talk about how you two are suppose to get through this because if he is not willing to be there for you, he really just should leave.
You don’t need the added stress from him that he is causing you on a daily basis. You need to deal with your problem, not for him, but for yourself. Don’t turn this into something you are doing for him, stay on course and remember that you are more important then anything else. You need to keep yourself focus and healthy, physically and mentally. From what I can gather from you, your husband is mentally abusing you by the way he treats you.
Break away from all that and focus on yourself. Don’t get carried away with other things in your life because in order for you to take care of the other things in your life, you need to first take care of yourself. Join support groups and talk to others who are suffering through the same type of problems you are. I think that would help a lot because you would be able to be surround people who know what it is like to deal with the type of problems you are going through and share your ideas and solutions with one another. Remember, take care of yourself before you can gather enough strength to deal with all your other issues.
Always here,
Jasmine
