Dear Jasmine,
I am 19 years old and I met my boyfriend online. Unfortunately he lives on the other side of the country and can only visit me 3 times a year. Just recently he told me that he thought I was a weak-minded person. I am a sensitive person and sometimes I take too much to heart, but it’s the way I have always been. He wants me to be tough and not show people that I am weak.
His opinion of me means a lot to me but in this case I believe that maybe what he wants me to be someone who is not me. This all started when I told him about an incident at work. I had broken down and cried in front of my manager after having a stress full conversation about how I was to work full time and fit in school at the same time. My manager had shouted at me because I decided to concentrate on school and turn down the assistant manager position that I hade already started training for.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like he is telling me to be someone that I am not. Please help me. Should I hide my feelings from everyone, even him?
Yazmin
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Dear Yazmin,
It is always important to not compromise who you are for others. It sounds like if your boyfriend doesn’t like you for who you are, then you may need to figure out why you two are even together. You shouldn’t be with a person who is constantly trying to change you into someone you are not comfortable with. Sometimes change is good but you have to look at the overall picture and what is going on.
In this instance, it may not be socially acceptable to be viewed as weak, which may be true, but in this circumstance, I can see why you were so sensitive to the matter, since it was probably quite stressful for you to make that decision in the first place. How you view as being weak is also subjective, I think you were very strong to have gone in and told your manager your not taking the job.
A weaker person may have just taken the job and tried to go to school and not doing well, but you stood your ground and told your manager how you felt. His reaction is, of course, uncalled for but you have to remember that in society you will always run into those unreasonable few.
I think the bigger issue for you to look at the overall picture of your relationship with your boyfriend. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. If he continues to try to change you, perhaps it is time for you to move on.
Always here,
Jasmine
