Dear Jasmine,
Well, I need some help controlling my anger. My English teacher gives me a late grade even when I was sick! So I get seriously angry. I feel like murdering her or at least yelling at her but I am never brave enough to complain to her. I try to tell her that I am sick, so I didn’t have a chance to turn my essay in, and she still rejects that.
Whenever I get angry, I never express it. Well I have hardly ever expressed my anger, unless it is in front of my parents. Which, I show it by slamming doors, etc. If someone does annoy me, I just go with the flow and ignore it. I try to speak out but my mouth doesn’t believe a thing my brain is saying. What should I do to talk back to them? I am a shy person, so I need advice that can help.
Vince
Oak Hill, VA
Dear Vince,
I think the problem may be that you are controlling your anger so much that it in turns builds up and makes you even more angry, even at the littlest things. I think that the reason you may be only expressing your angry in front of your parents as oppose to other people is perhaps you feel more comfortable with your parents then you are around other people. This could be largely due to you being a shy person and not knowing or wanting to express yourself to others because you are afraid of what they may think of you.
However, I am not saying you should become angry and yell at whomever you want to when you are angry but in such instances I don’t think you should hold in your feelings. You need to work through your anger and your frustrations so that they don’t create this anxiety for you when you are simply annoyed by some things. For example if someone does something to annoy you, you don’t have to be mean to them and tell them how much they are annoying you but you could approach them and let them know in a nicer way that what they are doing bothers you. Don’t let your angry build up so much that it is affecting your mood and behavior on a constant basis because that is not good for your mental health.
If you keep this up, you may just burst one day soon so I think you need to start being more open about how you feel, but just don’t over do it. You don’t need to throw tantrums to get your point across. Know that everyone is different and there are always going to be people who annoy you or bother you but you can’t let these people affect your life by altering your mood. There is a good way to approach your anger and still be respectful towards others and yourself.
I think you could also work out your energy in a more positive way, perhaps starting a good workout at your gym to maintain your fitness, jogging around your school track for some exercise and work off your frustrations. Since you have written to me, I can see you are someone who is mature enough to understand your issues and are seeking for ways to resolve them and I commend you for that. Not many people are able to admit what you have and so I believe you have the ability to work through it.
Always here,
Jasmine
