Dear Jasmine,
Hello. I met my best friend when she was giving me therapy for depression. I was not her patient anymore so we got very close, like sisters. She would confide in me the same way I did to her. She told me that she wasn’t happy with her husband. I tried to help her with everything that I could. I would lend her money (she never did ask though, I always offered and she always paid back). She often invited me out of town to see her daughter and grandkids.
Anyway, last June, while she was in emotional turmoil, she came by my house. Like always we talked and I offered to help her anyway I could. She left as always saying that we would talk later. We didn’t have an argument. After that day, she stopped calling me. I tried e-mailing her, she never responded. I then called her on the phone and she hung up on me.
Again I sent her e-mails but she has never responded since that day in June. Last time I tried to call her, she changed her phone number and cell phone, which I had given her. I became very attached to her because she is the only real friend I’ve ever had.
She did go back to her husband. I really miss her. I don’t understand what I did wrong when I only tried to help her any way I could. I am very hurt and again depressed. Any idea why someone would change overnight? As I said before, we never had any arguments.
I’d appreciate any advice. Thank you.
Angie
USA
Dear Angie,
I am going to have to assume that the reason she is not talking to you, may not be because she doesn’t want to. Perhaps you said some things to her about leaving her husband or something negative about her husband that she has told him and that is why he doesn’t want her to be friends with you. He could have told her that you are a bad influence on her and that if she remains friends with you then he would not want to work out the marriage. I am only assuming that because unless she tells what it is, you can’t really logically know why she has abandoned your friendship.
However, I do think that may be the case and that is why her behavior has changed so rapidly. I know it is hard for you to understand but I think it is best for you to let her work out her marriage. I don’t know what kind of marriage she is in, but it doesn’t sound too healthy to me. However, she has chosen to work on her marriage and doesn’t want to maintain your friendship. As hard as it is for you, I think you need to start moving on.
Write her one last email and let her know that you will always be there for her and you hope that one day she will let you know what happened because you really did value her friendship. That is really all you can do for now. Realize that it is not your fault but sometimes these types of things happen for a reason and right now the thing for you to do is move on from the friendship.
Always here,
Jasmine
