Dear Jasmine,
I have been going through a lot of emotions lately and now my boyfriend and I of several years just ended our relationship. Somewhere deep inside me believes that this is the best thing for the both of us. I know all couples have ups and downs but it seems as if sometimes I can’t do anything to make my ex-boyfriend happy. I guess its been going on for so long, I kind of tried to convince myself that he was happy even though I don’t think he was. I guess I was unhappy sometimes but everyone is unhappy sometimes right.
I don’t know what to do right now. I feel so lost and confused about everything. I want my ex-boyfriend to be happy and find someone who can truly make him happy because I can’t. Our personalities are similar and yet we have many differences too. I just don’t know what to do because we always managed to a hang on to each other through the years, even through the toughest time. I guess it just seems too much now that we are getting older and need to start getting our lives together.
Now I am trying to convince myself that he never truly loved me and I want that to be what gets me through this. But there is a part of me that doesn’t want to believe that because we have been through so much together and I can’t imagine my life without him. I don’t know how I am going to get through this.
I know I can be unreasonable sometimes and he endures it. I guess that’s what makes him believe the worse in me sometimes that it hurts me so badly. I try my best to do what I believe is right. I live my life the way I think is right. I try to be the best person I can be and make everyone happy. I guess I expect too much out of my ex-boyfriend and it just got too much for him to handle. But its just because I know how much potential he has and I guess I just wanted him to see all the wonderful things about him that I saw.
I know this is he right thing to do, to stay with him would only be selfish on my part because I love him so much. How do I go on with my life right now? I thought that I would be with him forever and we would work through everything together no matter how tough it got. I guess it just got too hard for us emotionally. I want to do what is best for him, I really do. I think this break up is for the best because I don’t think he can ever truly be content with me. Tell me what I should do because all I want to do is be with him. Tell me how to move on, please.
Heartbroken,
Nicole P.
Hawaii
Dear Nicole,
Couples that have been in a relationship that long have seen and been through a lot of changes. Some are for the good and some are for the bad. Times may be hard for you but you need to look at the bigger picture. You want your ex-boyfriend to be happy because you obviously care about him and love him after all these years, so you finally decided to let go.
The hard part now is moving on or attempting to move on. You can’t expect yourself to heal over night. The truth is you will never know how long it may take for you to truly get over everything that happened in your relationship.
You have already said that by staying with him it would be selfish because he was unhappy. By not letting him go and hanging on would just be selfish because then you are only thinking of yourself. You have to remember why you guys broke up, it got too hard for the both of you to work things out. You both need to start thinking about your own future as well as his, if you can’t make him happy, allow him to find someone who will. Don’t be selfish and stand in the way of his happiness.
Take comfort in knowing that you can no longer cause him any more unhappiness. Let that be a reminder to you why you guy have broken up. Take things one day at a time. It will be very hard, I know but you have to do it for your ex-boyfriend and also for yourself. Lots of people think they will be with their partner forever but that is just not always the case and we all know that.
After a breakup, it is normal for couples to convince themselves the other did not love them but the both of you know deep down whether or not you did. Don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment because you are just bringing yourself more pain if you do that.
Everything happens for a reason and it can only make you stronger. One day you will look back at this and realize that you did the right thing because you want your ex-boyfriend to find the happiness he couldn’t find with you. It’s not your fault, not everyone can make everyone happy and you have to realize that you tried your best and that’s all anyone can ever ask of you. Hang in there, let time pass and don’t lose sight on what is important.
Always here,
Jasmine
