Dear Jasmine,
My ex boyfriend is 27 years old and I am 22 years old. We broke up two months ago because he thought we were too different in ages, careers and views on drug use to have a long term relationship. He recently contacted me saying that he missed me and felt he felt that he made the wrong decision.
I missed him very much also. We have seen each other a few times since and feel very strongly for each other. My ex now says he is certain he wants us to be together again, and sees a long term future despite the age difference. He has even talked of marriage and children in the future.
He has been very upset and says he wants to quit smoking, which he has been doing for 12 years. He says he wants us to wait until he has sorted his head out until we start again so we can have the best possible chance of working long term without any issues.
I have offered to be there for him and to help him but he says he needs to sort himself out by himself. I know he is not seeing anyone else, he just seems very unhappy, he has been crying a lot
I have suggested he visits a doctor if he is this upset but I think male pride is getting in the way! My question is what can I do? I feel a bit pathetic waiting for someone to come back to me, but then I think if he didn’t really want to be with me there is no need for him to have contacted me at all.
Emma
England, United Kingdom
Dear Emma,
That is where you are wrong. It sounds to me that this guy is just stringing you along. Whether or not he has another woman isn’t the question, although I wouldn’t be surprised. There is not reason for you to wait around for him. When he told you that he wanted to break up for the age differences, etc, those were just excuses. The point is he wanted to break up with you and he wanted an excuse.
Perhaps you need to take a look at yourself to see why you want to waste your time waiting for this guy. You have offered your help, but he doesn’t want it. He just doesn’t want you around but he wants you around maybe in the future, if he doesn’t find someone better.
Gather what is left of your self esteem and realize you don’t need this guy. If he truly wanted to be with you, he would work through his tough times with you and build a stronger relationship with you. Instead he is being selfish by asking you to wait for him. Be smart and don’t fall for his words because actions always speaks a lot louder and clearer the words ever could.
Always here,
Jasmine
