Dear Jasmine,
I have been dating this guy for exactly one year. About 80% of the time he is the most awesome guy, fun, keeps me laughing, and so sweet. The other times, he lies, doesn’t want to be touched & yells at me. He blows up over the smallest thing.
He was so many friends that are girls and not enough guy friends. Every time he lies to me it’s about going out with girls. He says all the time that he has given up so many girlfriends to make me happy. I tell him he has to many girlfriends, that once your in a relationship you don’t think that will cause problems?
When he lies to me that is what makes me not trust him. He has lied to me since the beginning. One time he sent his mom a text saying “If Monica asks you if I am at your house tell her yes.” He really went to another city and stayed the night with his chick-friend.
That was 6 months into the relationship. About 2 months ago I read an email on his Facebook. He was telling another girl about how he is bored in our relationship but he loves me. Later that day he told me he was going on a guys night. I found out he really went out with that girl for drinks.
This kind of stuff has happened 5 times in one year. He told me the reason he went out for drinks with her was because it was the breaking point to make him realize he is ready to get married.
Also, he makes me pay 50% of EVERYTHING. Bills, food, gas everything. Now, problem is, as every other girl I am sure. I love him to death. With him doing all of this, the other side to him tells me all the time he wants to get married and tells me his plans. So now I am stuck in a lease with him till June.
I just found out the 5th lie of the year and I am stuck living with him. For my name to be signed off the lease he has to sign me off. It is expensive rent so I don’t want leave him stuck in it alone. What do I do?
Monica
Louisiana
Dear Monica,
The problem is you don’t love yourself. If you did, you would have never put up with this for the last year. Why would he not continue to lie to you, when you have proven in the last year that it is okay? You accept his lies and stay with him and he already knows that is what you would do, so I would not expect that to change ever. The only thing that can change is you.
You can realize that you deserve someone who doesn’t lie to you 100% of the time. Without trust and communication in a relationship, what do you have? Basically a train wreck full of drama.
The first month of the year hasn’t even ended but yet he has already told you 5 lies? Please wake up and realize how harmful this relationship is to your life.
If you are in a lease with him, please talk to the landlord. There are ways of getting out of the lease I am sure, especially if you can explain that you two will be splitting up. Hopefully the landlord will work something out with you. Don’t feel bad for leaving the lease or the situation, what you should really feel bad about is that you have been putting up with this abuse for a year now.
It will be hard. Very hard to leave him but unless you are willing to live the rest of your life being lied to, then you need to leave now. The only person who can change this is you. You need to gather the strength to stand up for yourself and give yourself a chance at a future with someone who truly loves you.
Imagine how much you love this guy. Then imagine having a guy who loves you 100% of the time. Decide what you want: a guy 80% of the time or a guy 100% of the time. Never settle for less then what you deserve.
Always here,
Jasmine
