Dear Jasmine,
My sister is constantly criticizing my fiancé and I. Anything we do for her and the family is never enough. She constantly complains about us.
If we arrive a bit late at a family function she gets really upset (she is often late or cancels) but if we are to do it she gets really mad. She gets upset at me because I see my nephews (her kids) on average once a week and she feels it’s not enough.
I’m really busy, I work full time, have a house to upkeep, a dog and a wedding to plan. I’ve explained this to her but she is constantly getting mad if we don’t do exactly what she wants.
Christine L.
Canada
Dear Christine,
Your sister sounds like a controlling person. From what you have written me, it sounds like you have gone beyond what you need to do. It sounds like your sister is a very negative person and perhaps she always has been but you didn’t notice or mind too much until now.
It is probably because you have a lot going on in your life and are starting to feel the effects of her negativity. I highly doubt your sister will change her behavior but I could be wrong. I see that you have an option to tell your sister how you feel. Let her know that you are doing the best you can and you would appreciate her not be so negative towards you, as you need her support right now, especially with your upcoming wedding. You can also point out that she is being hypocritical since she does many of the same things that she gets mad at you for. She may change, she may not.
Once you get it out there and she continues to be that way, you really have no other choice but to ignore it, since I assume you do want to see your nephews without her getting mad. The choice is yours, how much contact you have with her. Just because she is family, does not give her the right to treat you the way that she does.
You need to create boundaries because clearly your sister doesn’t have or understand them. If you are going to allow her to keep doing what she is doing to you, it will only become a bigger problem later on in life.
Always here,
Jasmine
